As one that is constantly thinking deeply about life, I too can get lost in the process and miss the simplicity of it all. All roads inevitably lead back to the same point, and regardless of which one you travel it will hopefully end in a place of love and connection. Loving another and sharing ourselves with those around us is truly living fully and with heart.

 

“The business and method of mysticism is love.”

Evelyn Underhill

 

One of the things that I have come to understand is fully loving another is to first believe they are enough just as they are.  Easier said than done. It is impossible to give completely to another without loving self and all parts that create a unique individual. By the same token, love requires one to recognize that the other is enough just as they are, flaws and all. It is a beautiful thing to love not in spite of flaws but because of them.  

The only time I have felt this type of love fully is with my children. I have loved them unconditionally from the moment they were born.  It is wonderful and terrifying to feel deep love. I see them as they are, not as I wish they could be, and still choose to love them completely.  It is a total surrender to the possibility of vulnerability, hurt and pain. The truth being that we as humans will inevitably hurt each other. This hurt is never more raw than when it is administered by someone that has been afforded complete trust and support. For me, trust is not given lightly, and the fact that my children broke down my walls simply by being born was like skydiving without a parachute.

 

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

Lao Tzu

 

Conversely, in my marriage I found a person that did not see themselves as enough.  Without the ability to meet me halfway it was not a healthy union. It has been an invaluable lesson for me moving forward.  I can only meet a partner in the middle by believing that I am worthy of love.  If I totally accept myself, as I am and not how I wish to be, I am able to open my heart completely.  If my partner is not willing or able to travel to this point the relationship will fail.  One cannot do the work for another. It is a painful process to watch unfold. As one that likes to help people in anyway I can, I have to resist this with every bit of willpower I have.  I only have two volumes where love is concerned, zero and one hundred.  If I decide to commit myself to a person, it can be excruciating to go through a separation of souls during the breakdown of the relationship. As odd as it sounds, this may not be a show of poor judgment.  Wouldn’t we all be a bit more true to ourselves in choosing love over indifference?  What if we all decided to put away our checklist and idea of who is worthy and took the chance to open our hearts completely without hesitation? I for one have made the decision to live this way as much as possible. Will I get hurt? Yes, I will. I know I am strong, and I have the wounds to show it. Hurt is a byproduct of risk and I am now willing to take risks that I would not have a decade ago.

 

“I will soothe you and heal you,

I will bring you roses.

I too have been covered with thorns.”

-Rumi

 

Taking a leap of faith does not mean letting another treat me as less than enough.  If I approve of myself, I will never again sit frozen in a relationship that is not based on love.  I will know that I must move on and do so quickly. It is really that simple.  Looking deeply into another’s heart is always a mystery and a fascinating one. People are so complex and “seeing someone” in a spiritual sense is a type of connection that is unparalleled. I have no interest in casual relationships; I am truly a person of depth. This can be very intimidating to those who do not wish to share their true selves but rather continue along in this world wearing a mask. I do not wish to know the mask; it is of no importance to me. I wish to know the true person in their entirety.  This is also where the risk lies.  By peering intently into someone’s true self, I can become mesmerized in the discovery.  I find it so intriguing viewing how others navigate this world and if not careful will step too far into the pools of the other thereby losing myself. I make an effort to be a voyeur now, observing but not attaching when meeting new people. Again, they must meet me halfway if they wish to engage in deeper connection.  It cannot only be me.

 

Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.

Mother Teresa

 

I am thankful for my children for having opened up my heart in a way that would not have been possible any other way. They stretched my ability to be vulnerable and continue to do so.  Each time I choose love over anger, It is a learning moment and training for the soul. I find myself having an internal dialogue in those moments cheering me on, urging me to try and see the issue at hand from their perspective. Is that not the hallmark of a healthy relationship? Similarly, partners should encourage each other to be better, while at the same time completely accepting one another as enough.  It really is that simple.