So much of life is in the balance of competing ideas. There is a yin and yang that exists in everything and when the balance is off it creates barriers that are difficult to get past. This is demonstrated in the inability to find the perfect job, financial stability or a life partner. It may feel as if you are standing still rather than progressing and frustration builds. The usual response to this is to become even more dedicated to the cause, push harder, work longer and prove that you desire it more than anyone else. Can you relate to this scenario?

I am more than sure that you can, and in many of these instances the end result probably fell far short of what you had hoped and dreamed for.  Sometimes, no amount of persistence, work or prayer can yield a desired outcome. It can be absolutely devastating, quickly followed by a stream of negative self-examination. “Did I do something wrong?” or “Why do others seem to have an easy time with this and I am stuck?”

In all of the ups and downs I have had in my lifetime, the one thing that I am absolutely sure of is that life is unpredictable and no amount of planning can offer protection from the inevitable challenges that will come along.

The human response to challenging times is to buckle down and hold tight. Be stronger, more dedicated and work harder. Is this really the way to discover what is holding us back? In a holding pattern our physical, emotional and spiritual self is not open to new ideas and directions, there is no flow. We are closed off to the world and in survival mode, hunkering down and willing to hold tight for as long as it takes hoping this too shall pass.

The mystic Lao Tzu said it best with,  “To hold, you must first open your hand. Let go” Could it really be that simple? I like to believe so. When every thing in you is telling you to hold on, the answer can be found in the letting go, an absolute surrender to the unknown. Not only is this counterintuitive, but scary. Letting go of the outcome requires a complete trust in something greater than oneself. As uncomfortable and painful as they can be illness, loss and heartbreak are all valuable experiences for growth. Some may find themselves unable to make a choice, constantly weighing the pros and cons in a futile attempt to control the outcome. Forcing a life plan will never result in the balance you are seeking, just more frustration and heartache. The ultimate outcome will be exactly what a soul requires to learn and move forward. It is easy to trust when things are going well, but finding the wisdom to trust when things are difficult requires much more strength in character.

All that being said, I have learned the most about myself in these moments. The hard times have forced me to sit with my shadow and face all of the things about myself that I try so desperately to hide from others. It is a sobering journey. Without looking deeply at the shadow, it is impossible to identify the experiences that have ushered in fear and holding. Many from lifelong patterns established at very young ages. Half the battle is in the knowing. We first must understand why we are doing what we are doing.  

“Knowledge is learning something every day.

Wisdom is letting go of something every day.”

~ Zen Proverb

 

The next step is in finding the wisdom to let go, releasing the need to control the outcome. This is the tough one. You may understand intuitively what you are doing is not helpful and will not improve your situation, yet continue to repeat the same patterns. Not a fun place to be.

I have taken to beginning each day with a prayer of my own design that includes some version of asking for divine guidance and strength, to surrender and let go of what I do not need to carry. I give up to God all that troubles me, and trust completely by letting go of fear and worry.  I have to repeat this during the day when faced with difficult decisions and I find it comforting.

Try this in your next moment of indecision. Surrender the outcome and move ahead without fear. Include this in your life practice and trust that you are loved and guided. Let go.