Of late it seems as if an abnormally larger number or acquaintances have someone they love passing on from this world to the next. I am aware of no less than five people with family members in hospice and any number of others who have lost a loved one without the benefit of a long goodbye.  I am not sure why this is the case, but my sense is that people, as energetic beings, may be ready to let go of this world. This may most specifically apply to those already fighting a terminal illness. Why linger, after living a full and loving life, with so much unrest looming on the horizon?

This increase in bereavement requires a focus on support by those that are sensitive to others emotions, specifically grief. Having sat with any number of people as they pass, I can say without hesitation that dying is hard work. In most cases it is not the beautiful embrace of a peaceful other but rather a long and arduous letting go of the body so that spirit can move on. If never having had the benefit of sitting with a soul as it passes, this may come as an unpleasant shock. The reason it is so shocking is simply because people do not talk about death out loud.  Maybe in hushed tones and with hallmark cards sent to those suffering, but not often in conversation.  The meaningful talk about death is reserved for those that already have a level of comfort with the process and are able to communicate loving emotions outward.

 

Death ends a life, not a relationship.”

― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

 

That being said, the fact remains that we are all terminal and no one is getting out alive.  When I hear the word terminal associated with an illness, I can’t help but wonder if the vocabulary is wrong.  Terminal illness is just an illness with an ending point at which the body will let go and the soul will be set free. Living life half-heartedly can be seen as a terminal condition, at least in my book, as can making poor choices that cause harm to our physical bodies.  The question is clearly not if we will die, but when.

People like to feel in control and in this very important area of a life, we have absolutely no control.  We can do everything “right” and die in an instant.  No control ushers in fear which than ushers in denial.  If we don’t talk about it, maybe it will not happen. This is an impossibility as we will all ultimately have our day.

 

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

― Mark Twain

 

Anytime one has the opportunity to sit with another as they begin the hard work of letting go, they should feel honored and blessed for the experience. Each time one is able to provide comfort, a personal strength is earned that can be carried over into living.  The fear of the process will let go its grip ever so slightly and a renewed appreciation for living may surface. That to me is the beauty of death, it reminds us all how to live. No matter what the circumstance, I have never felt more alive than when I have been witness to death. Death is so permanent for our physical existence that it cannot help but evoke the wonder of being granted another morning, another chance to say “I love you”, another sunset.  

 

“It is nothing to die. It is frightful not to live.”

― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

 

If you have a loved one doing the hard work of dying right now, know that you have support and are not alone.  Find someone in your circle of family and friends that is not afraid to walk this road with you. Embrace each moment with your loved one and each transition as they slowly let go. Fear not sitting with them as they begin to breathe irregularly and make sure to let them know that it is okay to go. Tell them over and over that you love them and always will. Love is timeless whether the beloved is here or in spirit. Honor the last opportunities for togetherness and the loneliness thereafter, taking the necessary time to grieve. In due time, approach your remaining life with a renewed hope and optimism. Life is so beautiful, so fragile and so holy.