Browsed by
Author: laviniachristine

Loving One Another

Loving One Another

 

Love One Another

Love one another, but make not a bond of love.

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone.

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.

For only the hand of life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together.

For the pillars of the temple stand apart.

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

-Khalil Gibran

 

On this day in which we celebrate all aspects of love, I find myself reflecting on ways in which I have personally experienced this powerful emotion. More often than not, love has been the driving force in many of my life decisions and directions. It has taken a process of growth and maturity to discern the various presentations of love and one that I continue to focus intently on even today.

 

My story is not a unique one. I come from a large and loving family. Yes, we have our differences, but we genuinely care for one another. As a young child, I recall bearing witness to the great love that my mother and father have, yet at the same time not having the benefit of discussion about what it meant to deeply love another. It was in every way, an education by example. Born into this caring environment I had no reference for the difference between infatuation and love, that lesson was yet to come.

 

Given my innate curiosity, in my teenage years I was attracted to the darker side of infatuation and unknowingly feel into its grasp. The man that would become my husband was much older than myself and had already experienced many things in life. Not being able to discern the difference between lust and love, I was completely drawn in by this relationship and felt trapped by my conservative moral obligations. It was not a healthy relationship, in fact it was quite damaging for me on many levels. Similarly, as one the connects very deeply with anyone I choose to give my heart too, it took great strength and will power to unravel these connections as well as two decades of my life to be completely free from the grip of infatuation.  

 

Thankfully, I did not leave this relationship without having experienced true love in some form. Having given birth to two children by the age of 24, I was deeply blessed to experience the unconditional love of mother to child. I am forever thankful for the opportunity to continually engage my heart in the way God intended in loving these children. If not for them I do not believe I would have felt alive during the darker years of my marriage, the despair was that intense. They are two beautiful angels that have held my heart when I could not find the strength on my own. That is love in every sense of the word.

 

“Only from the heart can you touch the sky.”

-Rumi

 

Recently, beginning a new adventure that requires bravery and some faith, I find myself feeling tentative and protective of where I have come from and where I now stand. In reading the poem by Khalil Gibran, I identified with a common theme that speaks directly to my current state of affairs. Loving another is not remotely the same as ownership, it is a partnership that allows for both parties to breathe, grow and be uniquely themselves.  It is being one half of a whole and at the same time separate and apart. In a healthy love there should be no loss of self, not degradation of the other, just a gentle and persistent lifting up. When one falters, the other steps up and carries the weight of life’s many challenges until balance is regained. That being said, a loving partnership cannot and should not be one sided. It takes both people choosing to show up authentically every day, willing participants in a transformative experience for both heart and soul. One person alone cannot carry the work of the relationship; this is neither healthy nor prudent.

 

Love is also accepting a partner, child or family member for everything they are not, without stipulation.  It is easy to love others for their strengths, but quite another to show up each day and see the shadow side of a loved one.  Each of us has this side that we hide from the world.  It takes a strong and trusting relationship to pull the shadow out of the darkness and explore ways to support one another in that discovery.  

 

Finally, as Gibran so eloquently writes “Love one another, but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.” I wish nothing more than to have my soul connect deeply with another.  It is within the expansive and flowing nature of water that love is best demonstrated, moving and morphing against life’s many continental conditions. Love finds a way to erode the walls that we erect and seep into our souls, breathing new life and hope. What a beautiful thing to behold.

 

Unfolding

Unfolding

 

I Am Much Too Alone in This World, Yet Not Alone

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1875 – 1926

I am much too alone in this world, yet not alone
   enough
to truly consecrate the hour.
I am much too small in this world, yet not small
   enough
to be to you just object and thing,
dark and smart.
I want my free will and want it accompanying
the path which leads to action;
and want during times that beg questions,
where something is up,
to be among those in the know,
or else be alone.

I want to mirror your image to its fullest perfection,
never be blind or too old
to uphold your weighty wavering reflection.
I want to unfold.
Nowhere I wish to stay crooked, bent;
for there I would be dishonest, untrue.
I want my conscience to be
true before you;
want to describe myself like a picture I observed
for a long time, one close up,
like a new word I learned and embraced,
like the everday jug,
like my mother’s face,
like a ship that carried me along
through the deadliest storm.

 

Having lived a life with many chapters, I find that I still constrict parts of myself that are true in an effort to maintain the status quo, to function in this world as it is. This “folding’ of self is a self imposed confinement of all that make me a wonderful and unique person.  Just as a caterpillar endures restriction in order to experience a true metamorphosis into a butterfly, I too have found patience in this process with the knowing that I will indeed completely unfold as Rilke states in the poem above.

 

This unfolding will be unsteady and foreign for anyone that has lived a small existent, presenting as less than to the world.  Fully accepting our true self and infinite wholeness can be so expansive and vast it becomes frightening. Why this fear? I do not know.  We live with the desire to be seen and heard, to live large, make a difference and achieve goals.  Yet when talking about our true self, we shy away from the discourse and choose instead to talk about more concrete desires. It is just too revealing and anything that is that intimate can be intimidating and difficult to approach.

 

Admittedly, I have grazed this topic for many years. Even as a child I remember quite vividly knowing that I had a different perspective on what was important and how I viewed the world.  I have always danced around my inner self, my soul. She and I are old friends and over the years have become more connected, functioning in unison more often than not. We are one in the same, mirror images of each other.

 

This self study from an early age is best described by Rilke with “..I want to describe myself like a picture I observed for a long time, one close up”.  My picture is well worn on the corners from many years of introspection and detailed examination. It is a visual representation of my life thus far. This self-portrait shows all areas of my life in which I have clung to my faith during times of complete and utter sadness and despair. It is also representative of the many joys that have graced my life, far too many to express here. No picture is complete without the shading of both darkness and light.

 
This does not mean that I have a complete understanding of self, I am not sure that is even possible. I can only hope that I have had more instances of unfolding instead of constriction and that this will continue to be the case moving forward. My wish is to be expansive and open, to escape the bonds of self-doubt and to move freely through the remainder of my life with my heart and soul wide open.

Head Versus Heart

Head Versus Heart

As one that is both an emotional being and a deeply intellectual thinker, I am in a constant search for the proper balance between the two approaches to life. My natural inclination is to lean into what my hearts says and follow my intuition, but even so this leaning is always peppered with a fair amount of intellectual analysis and strategizing of end results. This push and pull can be limiting and a place I try not to inhabit for very long.  Life having the sense of humor that it does, this analysis usually happens in the middle of the night when my mind is more prone to wander. As such, I am a frequent guest of sleepless nights and find solace in the wakefulness and introspection.   

 

Upon reading a poem by Rainer Maria Rilke I was immediately drawn to the first sentence, specifically “O Anxious one”. Anxiety is ever present when I allow my mind to take the lead and neglect the very important role of the heart.  The problem being the mind is extremely clever and can come up with a million eventualities before an event has even taken place.  If I resist this catastrophizing and allow my heart to lead, I am at peace with the unfolding and feel a sense of calm that the mind does not make space for.  This poem is a simple and beautiful way to facilitate a gentle drawing back to a state of equilibrium, especially in moments when the mind stubbornly races along.

                           

   I am, O Anxious One. Don’t you hear my voice

surging forth with all my earthly feelings?

They yearn so high, that they have sprouted wings

and whitely fly in circles round your face.

My soul, dressed in silence, rises up

and stands alone before you: can’t you see?

don’t you know that my prayer is growing ripe

upon your vision as upon a tree?

If you are the dreamer, I am what you dream.

But when you want to wake, I am your wish,

and I grow strong with all magnificence

and turn myself into a star’s vast silence

above the strange and distant city, Time.

   

Rainer Maria Rilke

 

In addition, the sentence that reads “My soul, dressed in silence, rises up and stands alone before you: can’t you see?” is like home to me. My soul is in a constant interplay with the exterior world, harboring a desire for others to “see” me by searching the silence of what remains unspoken within.  This is no easy task.  It is as if I am shouting from the top of a mountain to be seen, yet all the while hiding behind a cloud daring to be discovered. I suspect that when another chooses to look beyond my external self, they will begin to see shades of this declaration and be confused by my apparent waiving. The truth is that no amount of intellectual analysis alone will reveal the truths that I harbor.  Engagement of the heart requires a vulnerability that is not approached when using only the brain. This heart work requires strength of character, the ability to live in the discomfort of this space and even some grace. It is in the exposing of hidden truths that one really learns about themselves and about others, a lifelong task and one that is meaningful for all willing to dive in and take the risk.

 

You’ve got to get out of your head and into your heart. Right now your thoughts are in your head, and God seems to be outside you. Your prayer and all your spiritual exercises also remain exterior. As long as you are in your head, you will never master your thoughts, which continue to whirl around your head like snow in a winter’s storm or like mosquitoes in the summer heat. If you descend into your heart, you will have no more difficulty. Your mind will empty out and your thoughts will dissipate….

St Theophan the Recluse

 

As part of my journey, I continue to search for that balance.  Sometimes I lean into my heart as intended and other times I allow my brain to completely run the show.  Fascinating how we all choose to cope given any particular circumstance. Constantly striving for this balance, I will be silently drawn to the discovery of hidden truths; the simplicity of this affirmation is humbling. I find comfort in the solitude of this work with the intention to listen to my heart speak in the silence. For me this end is well worth the struggle.

Hadewijch II and the Blessing of the Written Word

Hadewijch II and the Blessing of the Written Word

 

I recently discovered the writings of Hadewijch II, a 13th century poet and mystic, and proceeded to order every book possible about this fascinating woman. History says little about her save the belief that she was from a wealthy family but chose to join the beguines, a group of evangelical women existing outside the traditional monastic system. These women took vows of poverty, chastity and service but remained in the world rather than hidden away in a monastery.

 

A strong believer in the synchronicity of the universe, Hadewijch could not have come to my attention at a better time. I have been feeling exceptionally isolated in regards to my ideas and life. I have a persistent thought there is so much more to life than my routine,  job, family and assembled reality. Frustrated by this nagging feeling, I have been more contemplative than usual, which is saying a lot. It is easy for me to get lost in my thoughts; it is much harder to pull myself back into the world. It would be disingenuous if I said I had never considered hiding away, off the grid and away from people.

 

Hadewijch wrote so expressively about her expansive knowing, the depth and wonder of feeling the infinite beyond what is seen. I read her poem and connected immediately; she understood what I have been feeling.  It spoke to me so directly that I got deeply emotional knowing that others felt as I do. I closed my eyes and experienced this energy wanting to expand beyond my skin, these walls and this world. It is this infinite and divine energy that stirs me up and can make me anxious while at the same time serenely peaceful. I implicitly understand that what I am searching for is within and not in some other place; we are all Divine beings and as much a part of the universe as the stars and the moon. No amount of geographic relocation will solve this persistent longing; it will surely follow me wherever I go. Hadewijch felt this very same thing yet managed to navigate the world without allowing this feeling to suffocate her. For that I admire her strength and courage.

 

All things

are too small

to hold me,

I am so vast

 

In the Infinite

I reach

for the Uncreated

I have

touched it,

it undoes me

wider than wide

Everything else

is too narrow

You know this well,

you who are also there

-Hadewijch II

 

Even so, I am confident that I can manage the restrictive feeling of this world. If you have read my work, you have heard me speak to this before. I have no doubts and have always known that I am not from this place. Some will judge me simply by reading that last statement, I am not concerned nor ever have been with their judgment. I know, and that is all that matters. The frustration comes from not being able to completely own this other while I am here. I can look inward and do all of the “mirror” work that Hadewijch speaks to, but even that will not be enough. It is a longing as if for a loved one with a constant desire to be with them. I hate this world at times; it is not anything like this beautiful other. No, I am not sad, nor am I being reticent. All I know is that I am here now for reasons that must be important for my soul.

 

You who want

knowledge,

seek the Oneness

within.

 

There you

will find

the clear mirror

already waiting.

-Hadewijch II

 

I do not find many others that see this as I do; in fact I rarely speak aloud about these things. It most certainly sounds crazy to those that do not have the same sensibility. So what am I to do? How do I live while feeling this constant pull to what I cannot fully embrace? I suppose that answer is as always held in my heart. I must persist in this word and continue day after day waiting for the moment when I am free of this shell and can shed my false self to be…infinite. It is in works by Hadewijch that I find respite, a brief moment of serenity.  This woman, who graced the planet so many years ago, is still able to share her love and belief through her words. I will continue to read her writing every time I feel lost, isolated and alone. It will be a tremendous comfort to me as I am sure it has been to others.

 

Lending an Ear as a Private Person

Lending an Ear as a Private Person

As an extroverted introvert, I am constantly trying to figure out how best to navigate the world. An intensely private person, I share my deepest thoughts with very few people.  I have a rich inner dialogue that is represented in my writings demonstrated here, but in practice rarely share the depth of my imagination with those around me. While there is nothing wrong with being a private person, it can create a rather closed off experience with a very small nuclei of people allowed into my inner circle.

 

At the same time, I tend to have a large number of confidants that circle the perimeter of this circle. Not quite people that I would open up to completely, but still very good friends. I care deeply about my friend’s feelings and wellbeing, but still tend to hold back a part of myself even from them. If I am being completely honest, I would have to say my sister Maria is probably the only one that genuinely knows me.  With her I speak freely in most cases, even though we have very different moral compasses. I respect her limits and she respects my lack of limits. She the more structured and analytical one, me the free spirited and spontaneous one.

 

The challenge for me is to honor my need for space and privacy without accidentally alienating people. As the quote states below, I tend to be sought out, for better or for worse.  Simply put, people tell me stuff. They often call, workout with me at the gym, or visit my office and proceed to tell me their troubles. I suspect it is because I am a good listener and am generally empathetic to their needs.  I value these traits and am not upset by these intrusions, but do have my energetic limits. I ultimately need to crawl back into my cocoon of privacy to recharge and must do this regularly.  

 

“INFJs will find themselves more sought after than they’d ever care to be, making it even more difficult for them to find someone they truly have an affinity with. Really the only way to be counted among INFJs’ true friends is to be authentic, and to have that authenticity naturally reflect their own.” http://infjthoughts.tumblr.com/post/61212764979/16-personalities-infj-friends

 

Another reason for this intense privacy is that I find lack of authenticity off putting, so much so that I am even hard on myself when I act less than truthful with others.  I project a personable yet reserved exterior when in reality my true self is much more colorful in so many ways.  If I am not comfortable sharing my true self and an acquaintance feels the same, what are we doing?  It seems so disingenuous and with little value in regard to life’s bigger picture.  I have no patience for trivialities and fake relationships, hence my lack of intimate friendships.  It takes a very special person to pull me out of my shell and quite frankly I don’t meet many people able to do so.

 
I often wonder if my legacy in life will be just that, loneliness with a strong desire to connect.  The paradox of it is confusing and conflicting. I am looking for people that want to be alone with me…is that even a thing? I also wonder if my legacy is just to be an ear for others when they are most in need. I give great hugs and can laugh and cry with just about anyone.  I instantly feel what others are feeling even if I do not verbalize it, and have a sense that this connection is comforting for both parties.  This skill may simply be part of my greater life purpose.  With time, I have learned to not expect the same in return from others as this just leads to disappointment and a lingering feeling of loneliness. 

 

In practice, I just need someone to sit with me and not say anything when my emotions are at a breaking point,  a difficult thing to ask of those that do not know how to offer quiet and gentle support.  Because of this, I often choose to keep my own counsel and find comfort in the fact that others will continue to seek me out as a lifeline, it is a humbling responsibility and one that I continue to learn from.

Honoring the Work of the Dying

Honoring the Work of the Dying

 

Of late it seems as if an abnormally larger number or acquaintances have someone they love passing on from this world to the next. I am aware of no less than five people with family members in hospice and any number of others who have lost a loved one without the benefit of a long goodbye.  I am not sure why this is the case, but my sense is that people, as energetic beings, may be ready to let go of this world. This may most specifically apply to those already fighting a terminal illness. Why linger, after living a full and loving life, with so much unrest looming on the horizon?

This increase in bereavement requires a focus on support by those that are sensitive to others emotions, specifically grief. Having sat with any number of people as they pass, I can say without hesitation that dying is hard work. In most cases it is not the beautiful embrace of a peaceful other but rather a long and arduous letting go of the body so that spirit can move on. If never having had the benefit of sitting with a soul as it passes, this may come as an unpleasant shock. The reason it is so shocking is simply because people do not talk about death out loud.  Maybe in hushed tones and with hallmark cards sent to those suffering, but not often in conversation.  The meaningful talk about death is reserved for those that already have a level of comfort with the process and are able to communicate loving emotions outward.

 

Death ends a life, not a relationship.”

― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

 

That being said, the fact remains that we are all terminal and no one is getting out alive.  When I hear the word terminal associated with an illness, I can’t help but wonder if the vocabulary is wrong.  Terminal illness is just an illness with an ending point at which the body will let go and the soul will be set free. Living life half-heartedly can be seen as a terminal condition, at least in my book, as can making poor choices that cause harm to our physical bodies.  The question is clearly not if we will die, but when.

People like to feel in control and in this very important area of a life, we have absolutely no control.  We can do everything “right” and die in an instant.  No control ushers in fear which than ushers in denial.  If we don’t talk about it, maybe it will not happen. This is an impossibility as we will all ultimately have our day.

 

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

― Mark Twain

 

Anytime one has the opportunity to sit with another as they begin the hard work of letting go, they should feel honored and blessed for the experience. Each time one is able to provide comfort, a personal strength is earned that can be carried over into living.  The fear of the process will let go its grip ever so slightly and a renewed appreciation for living may surface. That to me is the beauty of death, it reminds us all how to live. No matter what the circumstance, I have never felt more alive than when I have been witness to death. Death is so permanent for our physical existence that it cannot help but evoke the wonder of being granted another morning, another chance to say “I love you”, another sunset.  

 

“It is nothing to die. It is frightful not to live.”

― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

 

If you have a loved one doing the hard work of dying right now, know that you have support and are not alone.  Find someone in your circle of family and friends that is not afraid to walk this road with you. Embrace each moment with your loved one and each transition as they slowly let go. Fear not sitting with them as they begin to breathe irregularly and make sure to let them know that it is okay to go. Tell them over and over that you love them and always will. Love is timeless whether the beloved is here or in spirit. Honor the last opportunities for togetherness and the loneliness thereafter, taking the necessary time to grieve. In due time, approach your remaining life with a renewed hope and optimism. Life is so beautiful, so fragile and so holy.

Resilience

Resilience

 

I have been reading Elie Wiesel’s Night once again and am struck by Mr. Wiesel’s ability to move past what were most certainly evils beyond comprehension. His capacity to find purpose and strength while living a full and productive life, was truly remarkable.  Mr. Wiesel never forgot what happened to him, and wrote quite eloquently about the camps leaving a valuable historical artifact for generations to come. What then allowed him to wake up each morning and approach the day with renewed optimism? The single most important character trait I believe Mr. Wiesel possessed was resilience, the capacity to recover and move on from difficulties. He obviously made a conscience decision to live wholeheartedly, while still bearing the weight and scars of his experiences.  Painful memories do not just go away, they only fade with time.  I can only imagine what may have haunted him throughout his life.   

 

“I pray to the God within me that He will give me the strength to ask Him the right questions.”

― Elie Wiesel, Night

 

How do we transfer this model of resilience and utilize it in our own lives? Further, have you ever meet someone that seemed stuck in reverse, unable to move past a traumatic series of events or to leave behind what has not served them?  It is difficult lending support to someone in this position knowing that they alone are in control of their destiny; they alone have the power to move forward, but for some reason do not. The justifications for this puzzling behavior are many, but lack of resilience is absolutely one possible factor

My personal belief is that resilience is seeded in the belief that there is a Divine power with us at all times. This provides strength when we have none, hope when we no longer see the light and comfort in the darkest of times.  For me, resilience is integrated with my faith and it seems that for Mr. Wiesel this may also have been the case. Faith does not mean blindly accepting difficulties, rather it is standing up to these challenges whatever they may be, while still holding on to the belief of Divine support.  This does not in any way mean I believe that these evils are all a part of a larger plan or purpose.  I simply believe that given whatever circumstances one befalls in life, we are supported by a love that is greater than the environment that surrounds us.

 

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”

-Helen Keller

 

Resilience is demonstrated most beautifully when making the choice to move towards love rather than dwell in darkness. It sounds simple, but in practice it can be excruciatingly difficult. Faced with atrocities that are beyond anything one could imagine, it takes great character to look for and see the light. It also takes great determination and willpower to consciously decide to show up each day with optimism. What we can learn from people such as Mr. Wiesel, Helen Keller and many of the great mystics is that it is not if one will experience darkness in life, it is when. Obviously some have seen far more heartbreak and sadness than others, but the true measure of resilience still lies in one’s ability to rise above a circumstance no matter how bleak.

 

“When I stopped to take a breath, I noticed I had wings.”

― Jodi Livon

 

The study of mysticism has been pivotal in my understanding of this.  By viewing my “darkness” through the eyes of those that have suffered before me, I begin to see a pathway forward, a way to find some peace in the moment and in the process. I have discovered my resilience and call upon it often, knowing that I am well supported no matter how awful I may feel.  Having had a number of experiences that could have knocked me to my knees, I find myself still standing and hopeful that today will be yet another beautiful day.

Edges

Edges

Edges

I see edges within your eyes

A tapestry of what remains

Unsaid but silently exposed

Beautiful in asymmetry

 

Not smooth nor curved, yet

Undisturbed by afflictions of this life

Edges amongst the thorns

Wool that has gone unshorn

Wild- untamed and fancy free

Simple in complexity

 

I see edges within your eyes

Gleaming in spectacular identity

Hidden but never completely gone

Endless possibility

 

A lion roars and a doves soars

Partners for evermore – gentle

In the roughness of self, accepting as no one else.

Flaws that speak to my soul,

Resolute in specific likeness

 

On the precipice still undone

Striking in virtue, hanging on

Sharpness gives way, guiding the way

Sunbeams alight and we both take flight.

-Lavinia Busch

Women and Power: Inaugural Thoughts

Women and Power: Inaugural Thoughts

 

On the eve of the inauguration, I am moved to speak to my fellow sisters about the very important spiritual role women play in society.  For centuries, women have been the spiritual guideposts for their families, in fact many of the great mystics were women: Hildegard of Bingen, Joan of Arc, and Saint Teresa of Avila to name a few.  Given how disenfranchised these women were from their governments and family units, it is astounding the impact they had and the legacies left behind. The historical lessons gleaned from this seem to demonstrate the importance of the continued contribution of feminine voices no matter how small.

 

Raised in a very traditional home, I always found it a bit puzzling that the girls, while treasured, were never encouraged to be leaders. We were encouraged and expected to be gentle, kind, and soft spoken, loving and nurturing. At family gatherings we were sent to the kitchen to assist with food preparation, child care and table setting. Meanwhile, the men gathered in separate rooms for “business meetings”.  Sorely lacking was the recognition of feminine power and the importance of feminine voices in all venues.  Yes, I just said power. Men may shudder when they hear “feminine power” but this is misplaced fear. A woman in complete harmony with her femininity is a site to behold and one that men should revere and seek out.

 

One life is all we have and we live it as we believe in living it. But to sacrifice what you are and to live without belief, that is a fate more terrible than dying.

Joan of Arc

 

With all of these remarkable women who have come before us, why do we find ourselves in the unlikely position of having elected a leader that by all accounts is a misogynist? Even more troubling, many people that I respect supported this choice, once again foregoing women’s rights under the guise of more pressing issues. What could be more pressing than the mutual respect and autonomy of half the human race?  I feel compelled to state firmly that it is never okay for a person in a position of authority to think less of another simply because they are a different gender! It is saddening and incredibly disappointing that more men did not stand up and simply say “No”, watching the narrative unfold as if following a reality television show. Sadly, this is real life with real implications.

 

Accustom yourself continually to make many acts of love, for they enkindle and melt the soul.

Saint Teresa of Avila

 

While doing some recent family research, I discovered a story about my grandfather’s sister. Anna came from a family of farmers with 15 children all together.  She had difficulty delivering her eighth child and came down with a horrible fever from infection.  Soon she was delirious, shouting and swearing and not able to care for her young children. She was quickly admitted to the mental hospital in Minnesota with the diagnosis of puerperal insanity and died there a number of years later, never recovering her health enough to be released. Puerperal insanity was considered a form of postpartum psychosis at that time. It was an inexcusable way to diagnose what the male doctors thought to be a female hormonal unbalance, when in fact Anna had sepsis from infection. This story is yet another troubling example of women being seen as hysterical in regards to their mental health. In fact, the word hysterectomy comes from the Greek root word hystera. I cannot help but find correlations between this story and the way in which our new leadership has spoken about women. After all of this time, the prejudice still remains.  

 

There is the Music of Heaven in all things and we have forgotten how to hear it until we sing.

Hildegard of Bingen

 

The divine feminine in each of us ushers in new life and exhibits great visionary ability. It is a power to be sure and one that should be passed down woman to woman, mother to daughter. As our ancestors did, teach your daughters their value beyond procreation. Teach them the beauty and strength of emotional intelligence and the force this brings to leadership. Teach them their worth, that no man should treat them as less than and teach them the incredible power of love as an actionable character trait.

 

Men may shy away from strong women, but that is not our concern. A strong man will know how to live, work and love in partnership with a strong woman, never belittling her and always supporting her as she does him. Women living in this way will have strong opinions and not be afraid to share them, while still embracing all the wonderful qualities that represent femininity.  A true balance of power and a beautiful display of male and female energy as it is meant to interplay. Our new leadership should take heed and know that the voices of women will continue to sing for as long as it takes to be heard.

 

Take the Time to See and Hear One Another

Take the Time to See and Hear One Another

The tone in my workplace and in the community at large has been tenuous of late. With the change of the political landscape, many began to strategize for the worst case scenario and fear has taken hold. As one that sees the grey in things that others see as only black or white, I often end up in the position of peacemaker. I listen to all of the varied and passionate opinions without really giving anyone a sense of what my personal thoughts are. Why do I do this? Well, I believe most people have no interest in hearing my personal opinions. In fact I will go as far to say that most people simply want to be seen and heard, listening requires a skill set that many do not possess.

There is nothing in this world that does not speak.

Every thing and every being is continually calling out

its nature, its character, and its secret; and the more

the inner sense is open, the more capable it becomes

of hearing the voice of all things.

—Hazrat Inayat Khan

All healthy debates begin with the premise that one party speaks while the other party listens.  This means listening not only to formulate a response, but listening to understand. There are many ways to listen, one of which is by observation. People give so many clues as to how they are feeling and what their position is on a subject. If I spend time observing, I begin to get a sense of how the other party has come to their position.  I feel empathy for the journey that has lead them to where they are and “see” them without all of the posturing and pretense people use to navigate the world. This is when things really get interesting and my favorite part of getting to know someone.

“There are some people who see a great deal and some who see very little in the same things.”

Thomas Henry Huxley

 

Being seen is scary. We function day to day wearing a mask of sorts and only show the world what we want them to see. This is false version of self and one that shows little of what is inside. It saddens me that people would go to such lengths to hide a part of themselves. It is the true self that is both fascinating and beautiful, faults and all. I am certainly not perfect and I do not expect anyone else to be.  Yet, we all still place false expectations on ourselves trying to be the person we think others want us to be.

 

By committing to see another, we are learning to view ourselves in a more loving and accepting way. If I look deeply at another and see the flaws that make them so uniquely beautiful, I have a much easier time accepting my flaws.  The idea that what we see in others is simply a reflection of ourselves is telling. It stings to look closely and identify traits that we dislike about ourselves, a mirror of sorts.  I find this most intimately with my children. If I see one of them being overly critical, I recognize that I may have had a hand in that just as my mother did with me.  It is painful and disappointing to see poor behavior passed down. Only by bravely “seeing” another, one begins to see these patterns. I challenge everyone to take some time and observe a partner, coworker, friend or neighbor. Someone that may have different views or ways in which they navigate the world, but deserving to be seen just the same.