“The hallmark of the man or woman of God is gratitude – endless, passionate gratitude for the previous gift of spiritual awareness…. it surrounds us always. Like a wind that is always blowing, said Francis de Sales; like fire, said Catherine of Genoa, that never stops burning..”

-Eknath Easwaran

 

Gratitude has come of age.  I see it written on the pages of fashion magazines, hear it said in podcasts and see the stories of those that profess it played out in the cinema. Gratitude has become such a part of pop culture that I doubt people even think twice when uttering the word. If I listen carefully I hear people saying they have gratitude for french fries, UGG boots and hair dye. If I listen even closer I hear gratitude for a soccer team wins, a near miss from a traffic ticket or even a short line at the airport.  Living with a sense of gratitude can be an all-day affair and one that leaves a feel good glow with the practitioner. With time, one may begin to believe that living in a constant state of gratitude equates to living a spiritually authentic life, living completely in the moment.

Sadly, this is not the case for me. I would be lying if I said I feel gratitude during the majority of my day.  I sheepishly admit that I have never filled out a gratitude journal; I bought one but never used it. You see, I am grateful for many things in my life, but I simply do not believe in having an eternal attitude of gratitude. Why? Well, I suppose the very act of being constantly grateful feels disingenuous to me.  

 

“The spiritual life is not a special career, involving abstraction from the world of things. It is a part of every man’s life; and until he has realized it he is not a complete human being, has not entered into possession of all his powers. It”

Evelyn Underhill

 

I am well versed in quieting my mind and living in the moment.  I enjoy times when I can completely slow the constant babble in my head and feel one with the universe.  This usually happens unconventionally for me.  I have never been a big fan of yoga but strange as it may seem, I have the most profound moments of gratitude when I am out in nature or with those that I love deeply. It would be impossible to feel this way all of the time, after all this is life and life gets real.

 

Pain is never permanent.

Saint Teresa of Avila

 

You see, life is not just happening in serene moments of gratitude, but also in moments of sadness or distress. Don’t ask me to be grateful for the demise of my 22 year marriage, or the death of a loved one or even living in severe poverty.  Don’t ask me, because I refuse to pretend to be grateful for things that are most definitely awful and soul crushing.  I strongly believe that if I do not have lows in my life how do I genuinely feel grateful for the highs?  This is where my dislike of the attitude of gratitude comes into play.  It is categorically false to put a smile on everything that happens in life and find the silver lining. If I am experiencing grief, I want to feel the grief no matter how painful it may be.  Without feeling the grief, how do I ever get past it? Sometimes it is hard to admit that we must wade in the deep in order to rise above. To pursue this metaphor even further, we must experience the  complete darkness of night before seeing the glorious light of day.  

Sure, I make every attempt to exhibit grace when things are tough and not wallow in my difficulties. I smile when I don’t feel like it and think positively about situations that are terribly difficult, hoping to get through them with some dignity. Living gracefully is not the same as showing gratitude for everything, rather it is accepting that difficulties will come and making the choice to move through these difficulties as best as one can.  Grace is acceptance of the challenges along with a belief in the gift of Divine strength supporting and comforting us when things get rough.

I do feel gratitude at times and feel the absolute elation that comes from this peaceful state of mind.  When these moments do come, I can relish in them knowing that they will not last forever, after all nothing does. By the same token, I understand that when difficult times come, as they surely will, the affirmation “this too shall pass” is powerful and can gently guide me forward toward new moments of gratitude that will most certainly return.