With the holiday season upon us, the tug of the familiar has returned once again. The tug is always present this time of year, given that we all want so badly to feel holiday spirit and the magic of the season.  Expectations are high, leaving much room for missing the mark. As something that we continuously seek out, holiday spirit can in some instances evoke a beautiful sense of nostalgia, in others it may stir a difficult memory that can be associated with this time of year. Either way, it is a tangible event that can leave one feeling conflicted during what should be a joyous time.

For me, the tug can be felt in a moment upon hearing a familiar tune from childhood.  Instantly, I am that little girl that played records and danced around the living room. No matter that I am nearly 50! I recall that little girl and the utter joy of moving to beautiful music, what an endearing memory. I grew up in an incredibly musical home and music was an important part of any gathering and celebration.  During the holidays, mom cantered at church and dad often accompanied with his guitar.  The house was decorated with lights, multiple Christmas trees and the smell of hot apple cider wafted in the air. To this day, my parents often turn on big band music and have their own dance party in the living room…sigh… I know, so romantic. My dad always waited until the last minute to get mom’s present, but he went to great lengths to bring it home beautifully wrapped from the department store. Theirs is indeed a deep love story.

 

“The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery.”

Anais Nin

 

All of these memories tug at me even more so this time of year. I find myself wanting to listen to classical music, especially The Nutcracker. I performed so many roles in the ballet it is permanently imbedded in my memory. I have a need to connect with my parents and my siblings. I recall the blue suede clogs that my sister and I wanted so badly, in fact we cheated and peeked under the tree, slowly peeling one of the corners of the present open.  It ruined the anticipation, but we learned we did in fact both get a pair of clogs. We were partners in crime in that moment and the desire to be partners in crime with my sister is ever present. Thank goodness she is visiting me this year for the holiday.

 

Stress is caused by being here and wanting to be there.

– Eckhart Tolle

 

For those that recall unhappy moments, memories can leave a cloud over otherwise joyful festivities. It is difficult to separate the present from the past and the associated emotions of both. In situation such as these, those memories will never go away completely. The way forward seems to be to make new memories that will slowly reside in the forefront, numbing the pain from the more painful.

Life experiences are cumulative and it is only in totality that we weave a story of our life.  By choosing to embrace both the sadness and joy of this narrative, the true breath of holiday spirit can be felt. I look at my children smiling while talking animatedly with one another and in that instance all of the memories of their childhood comes full circle.  I cannot help but be at peace, knowing that both good and difficult times will surely be on the horizon, but we will be fine…I will be fine. That is what the familiar does for me. It reminds me that we are all a part of a grander plan, interconnected in the most fascinating of ways. This holiday season, I will strive to appreciate how far I have come to be here, today, enjoying this very moment. Happy Holidays everyone.