The tone in my workplace and in the community at large has been tenuous of late. With the change of the political landscape, many began to strategize for the worst case scenario and fear has taken hold. As one that sees the grey in things that others see as only black or white, I often end up in the position of peacemaker. I listen to all of the varied and passionate opinions without really giving anyone a sense of what my personal thoughts are. Why do I do this? Well, I believe most people have no interest in hearing my personal opinions. In fact I will go as far to say that most people simply want to be seen and heard, listening requires a skill set that many do not possess.

There is nothing in this world that does not speak.

Every thing and every being is continually calling out

its nature, its character, and its secret; and the more

the inner sense is open, the more capable it becomes

of hearing the voice of all things.

—Hazrat Inayat Khan

All healthy debates begin with the premise that one party speaks while the other party listens.  This means listening not only to formulate a response, but listening to understand. There are many ways to listen, one of which is by observation. People give so many clues as to how they are feeling and what their position is on a subject. If I spend time observing, I begin to get a sense of how the other party has come to their position.  I feel empathy for the journey that has lead them to where they are and “see” them without all of the posturing and pretense people use to navigate the world. This is when things really get interesting and my favorite part of getting to know someone.

“There are some people who see a great deal and some who see very little in the same things.”

Thomas Henry Huxley

 

Being seen is scary. We function day to day wearing a mask of sorts and only show the world what we want them to see. This is false version of self and one that shows little of what is inside. It saddens me that people would go to such lengths to hide a part of themselves. It is the true self that is both fascinating and beautiful, faults and all. I am certainly not perfect and I do not expect anyone else to be.  Yet, we all still place false expectations on ourselves trying to be the person we think others want us to be.

 

By committing to see another, we are learning to view ourselves in a more loving and accepting way. If I look deeply at another and see the flaws that make them so uniquely beautiful, I have a much easier time accepting my flaws.  The idea that what we see in others is simply a reflection of ourselves is telling. It stings to look closely and identify traits that we dislike about ourselves, a mirror of sorts.  I find this most intimately with my children. If I see one of them being overly critical, I recognize that I may have had a hand in that just as my mother did with me.  It is painful and disappointing to see poor behavior passed down. Only by bravely “seeing” another, one begins to see these patterns. I challenge everyone to take some time and observe a partner, coworker, friend or neighbor. Someone that may have different views or ways in which they navigate the world, but deserving to be seen just the same.