Wholehearted Living-Mothers and Daughters
I recently joined Audible to be able to listen to some of my favorite authors when hiking. The first book on my list was Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly. I so enjoyed this book when I read it in print and wanted the luxury of listening to it anytime the spirit moved me. When searching Dr. Brown’s book list, I came across a workshop recording of The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connection, and Courage. This lecture was recorded right before her book Daring Greatly came out and touched on the same research. I was intrigued and choose it as my first Brené Brown selection on Audible.
After listening to the entire workshop in what felt like lightning speed, I am moved to suggest this recording to anyone wishing to live a more authentic life. Brené Brown provides actual tools or guideposts to achieve wholehearted living. I cried, laughed and pondered as she spoke. I related to so many of the personal stories that she shared and was comforted to hear that I am not alone in my worries, and self-conceived notions of self. At the same time I found it oddly empowering to hear the notion of living more freely and in the moment.
“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”
Brené Brown
I began to reflect on my daughter and her development as a young woman. I am blessed with a daughter that has added energy and color to my otherwise restrained life. She is sensitive and kind yet uninhibited and unapologetic to her true self. When she finds an outfit that she likes she immediately begins to dance around with unabashed glee. Even as a young adult, she still does this happy dance. When she is sad she cries, when she is happy she laughs out loud and when she is reflective she sits quietly in thought. She is naturally living in the moment, not overly concerned by how others perceive her; it is a beautiful thing to observe.
How I ended up with a daughter like this is puzzling. I am a bit of an introvert and always hoping that people like me. I overthink things and would absolutely not be caught dead dancing in the aisles of a grocery store, yet dance around in the privacy of my kitchen constantly. I am apparently not very good at vulnerability. I measure and take all sorts of steps to minimize risk in life to protect myself from pain. My daughter does the exact opposite. She lives full out, taking risks that I would never dream of taking. She calls people and confronts them if she is feeling a communication issue arising, she puts herself out there day after day knowing full well what rejection and disappointment feels like. She unapologetically swears like a sailor and lets her voice be heard in its own unique way. Don’t get me wrong, she has made her fair share of bad decisions as we all have. The difference is that these decisions do not seem to paralyze her with shame.
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”
Brené Brown
Shame is that ugly word that we as a society do not speak about and is often swept under the rug. By doing so we are living our shame with no clear path forward to living wholeheartedly. It is important to note that we all carry shame. It is insidious and creeps into many areas of our lives. “I really just messed up that teaching moment with my child”, or “Why did I just say that to my co-worker?”, or “No one could love me as I am”. It is a heavy burden to carry and ultimately takes the joy out of living. Living wholeheartedly requires one to acknowledge shortcomings and the “not good enough” gremlins while still embracing each day with joy. Emotions such as shame can not be suppressed into the depths of our shadow self for long. This will only lead to explosive release in the form of anger, rage or judgement. It is much healthier to recognize the emotion, observe it and let it go. If we understand the evolution for these emotions we can gently allow, yet not succumb. It is really a journey of self discovery, as all spiritual journeys are.
“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.”
Brené Brown
My daughter is a constant reminder to me to let a few things goes, don’t take myself too seriously and dance like nobody’s watching. Sure we have our differences and disagreements, but it is in these disagreements that I learn the most about myself. I am just as sure that by observing me, she learns that some moments of restraint are justified. I have learned that I need to let that same little girl that made dandelion chains and lived freely out more often to play and enjoy life. She is still there, hiding under layers of conditioning and shame. The times when I sing and dance while baking in the kitchen, I am sharing my vulnerably and in that moment I feel completely free. Thank you Brené Brown, for sharing your research, stories and words.