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Tag: Divine feminine

Permission to Just Be

Permission to Just Be

 

Listen.

Remain still and you will hear

The new. Rustling the curtains and

Throwing open the windows while shouting,

Now is the time!

 

Listen.

As the winds of change rush forth

Into the wild, unafraid

Challenging all that you know

Teasing the mystery

 

Listen.

Stand in the center of the storm

Fell the calming stillness

Truth being the quietest voice in this void

Always there, but calling little attention

 

Listen.

You know this sound well

Unlock the chains and

Throw out the endless lists of excuses

Now is the time!

 

Listen.

Follow this whisper

Walk through the window and

Allow

Let yourself be free

-Lavinia

 

 

Living at a campground during a pandemic is an opportunity to watch the natural world up close and without distraction. While we have no campers due to the closure, we continue to see the resurgence of nature in all of its glory. In the past few months, we have been privy to the birth and death of a variety of animals and plant forms. This heightened connection to the sacredness of this ground has heated powerful emotions within.

 

It is difficult to put into words the beauty of this place. For many thousands of years, humans have walked this beach and for many thousands of years humans have neglected it in the very worst of ways. How easy it has become to ignore what is right in front of us, while distracted by the desire for money and things. All having little to do with this organic togetherness.

 

During my morning bike ride, I was struck by a connection to something beyond. Looking up at the mountain side, across from the beach, I was certain I felt the presence of an ancient woman. This vision of a native Chumash woman standing boldly on the edge of the cliff, looking at the very same landscape as myself, brought tears to my eyes. 

 

On this day, feeling a strong tether to the past, I wept for this ancient and wise woman and felt her own tears falling down the mountainside. She and I are the same. We are from different times with very different pressures, but the transformation of middle age is familiar ground. Her powerful energy was emanating so intently, I had to step off my bike and gaze at the mountain. Hair flowing, back straight, eyes casting out into the eternal distance. She is me and I am her. I felt her deeply and mourned the loss of an ancient feminine circle of faith, trust and love.

 

As women age, we have historically been marginalized. While it may be nice not to be seen entirely as a sexual being, it is a strange transformation to feel invisible from the rest of society. Women are the caretakers, nurturers, mothers, daughters and lovers. Right when we begin to step freely into our feminine power, trusting the wisdom of the ages, the rug is pulled from underneath. A strong woman becomes gruff, or “bitchy” while a strong man remains a leader. Why our society has chosen to abide by these perceived roles I will never understand. It is this pain that I shared with the ancient woman, an understanding of how difficult it is to redefine ourselves and find our place in this ever-changing landscape.

 

Couple this with my recent medical crisis, the societal walls of productivity began to close in, leaving me choking with expectation. If not a working professional, then what? I am so much more than what I do, this is true. My true love is writing and will always be, but with a job title, health insurance and retirement, I am tethered to the rest of society by these expectations. 

 

This morning, feeling the breath and tears of the wise woman, a certain permission was granted to just be. Be sick, be aging, let my hair turn gray, be wild, be free, be everything I have been conditioned not to be. She and I sing the same song from these hills. We sing to our destiny, our purpose and our fast approaching departure from this place. With a desperation not found in early life, middle age women feel the beat of this song resonating in every act of self-love, acceptance and grace. We sing to the power of the ocean taking some of its strength for ourselves. If the waves can persist billions of years under unfathomable stress, we too can step into our power, embracing this eternal energy with the wisdom only found by living a beautiful and flawed existence. 

 

This knowing peppers the landscape with the brightness of the universe, a simple yet breathtaking vow. Finishing my ride, I begin to feel my grandmothers and see their joyful smiles through the morning fog. They are here with me and gently reminding me all will be well. Their strength lifts my spirit and a calmness washed over me as if the tide against these shores. My truth is my own, yet I am never alone. Women from the ages walk with me, guide me and lend loving support. Now each morning, I look to the mountainside and feel her presence. She feels my heartbeat and for a few moments we sing together.

Womanhood and Finding Beauty in the Divine Feminine

Womanhood and Finding Beauty in the Divine Feminine

Feeling the sacred energy at Trona Pinnacles. Photo: Dylan Mattina

Imagine A Woman

Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman.

A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.

Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

Imagine a woman who trusts and respects herself.

A woman who listens to her needs and desires.

Who meets them with tenderness and grace.

Imagine a woman who acknowledges the past’s influence on the present.

A woman who has walked through her past.

Who has healed into the present.

Imagine a woman who authors her own life.

A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.

Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and wisest voice.

Imagine a woman who names her own gods.

A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.

Who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life.

Imagine a woman in love with her own body.

A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.

Who celebrates its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

Imagine a woman who honors the body of the Goddess in her changing body.

A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.

Who refuses to use her life-energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

Imagine a woman who values the women in her life.

A woman who sits in circles of women.

Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

Imagine yourself as this woman.

© Patricia Lynn Reilly, 1995

 

Women, sisters, daughters and mothers; the beauty of the feminine takes many forms.  Being a woman comes with a veritable list of expectations, inhibitions and even privileges. Women are expected to be caretakers, lovers, nurturers and collaborators. At the same time, we are encouraged to aspire to lofty goals albeit, politely, gently and fairly. All character traits forced without consent, by a society that values female submissiveness.

 

Being one that is sensitive and soft spoken, it stands to reason my personal conflict between expectation and reality is minimized. This has not always been the case as I have struggled stepping into my true self, finding my voice and shedding layers of expectations. This paradox is confusing. I cherish being a part of the divine feminine, the wellspring of all life and the universal heartbeat that connects us all. At the same time, I have a deep desire to live strongly, independently, authentically and free. The idea that I need to be taken care of is foreign to me. No one can own another person. We all must ultimately stand alone when our end is near and answer for the choices we have made.

 

With all of this being so, why is it so difficult for women to be heard without shouting, be taken seriously without being brash or express emotion without being labeled neurotic? Why is it a woman’s outside appearance becomes an open invitation for criticism, a way to discredit simply by the clothes worn or the style of hair?

 

“A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is. Who celebrates its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.”

-Patricia Lynn Reilly

 

As a former dancer, I was judged on my physical aesthetic, never my intelligence or depth of insight. Dancers are silent tools of a choreographer’s vision, very much like clay to be molded. This extreme drive for a perfect aesthetic was difficult to let go even after I retired. I suffered from some degree of body dysmorphia and an acute discomfort with my sensuality apart from the characters I played on stage. If not pretending to be someone else, who was I?

 

Despite this long and hard fought battle with body image, I now feel absolutely no shame in embracing my femininity. Every single thing that makes me courageous and adventurous is seeded in this strength. I am stubborn yet soft, determined yet pliable, wise yet young at heart and sensual while intelligent. All states are a part of the whole and it has taken many years to welcome them all back to my table with an open heart. I no longer feel a sense of the forbidden when feeling my sensuality bubble below the surface. I no longer feel stern when stating a difference of opinion and I no longer feel meek when choosing not to be boisterous or openly bold. I honor my gentle hearted manner and pay little mind to what others opinions.  

 

“Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman. A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories. Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life”, I too have shed layers of shame for choices made out of fear, carried forward from generations that came before.  These ancestral cords are shared biological remnants of abandonment, low self-esteem and self-hate. I no longer have to remain tethered to these emotions; they were never for me to begin with. I freely cut these ties and feel stronger for doing so.

 

Perhaps someday there will appear a poet courageous

enough to give expression to the voices of the “mothers.”

~Carl Jung, Letters Vol. II, Pages 386-387

 

Similarly, women in my family are incredibly sensitive to energy and well aware of the emotional temperature of a room. It stands to reason that we hide some of these gifts in an attempt to avoid labels of “hormonal, overly sensitive or believers in wacky pseudo-science.” Imagine having the intuition that something is amiss and not being able to find words to describe why? Very few are able to move forward when a woman answers “I just know” to the question of “Why?” There is no tangible data to cull, no statistics to list and no definitive proof. It is a matter of faith, in being a woman and embracing self.

 

If I could share one thing with women today, I would implore them to wear energetic shades deflecting expectations, norms and criticism. Embrace all that is beautifully feminine about you and pay no mind to the naysayers. In an effort to be seen, do not change your manner by becoming aggressive or loud. Those that need to see, will. They will notice you just as you are and embrace all that makes you so beautifully strong, nurturing and feminine. Be yourself and relish in this wholeness with each breathe, hearing the whisper of the Divine feminine all around you.

 

Creative Energy and the Feminine

Creative Energy and the Feminine

 

“I can tell you that it takes great strength to surrender. You have to know that you are not going to collapse. Instead, you are going to open to a power that you don’t even know, and it is going to come to meet you. In the process of healing, this is one of the huge things that I have discovered. People recognized the energy coming to meet them. When they opened to another energy, a love, a divine love, came through to meet them. That is what is known as grace. We all sing about amazing grace. It is a gift. I think that it comes through the work that we do. For some people, it can come out of the blue, but I know that in my own situation, the grace came through incredible vigilance.”

Marion Woodman

 

Surrender, easier in concept than practice. Surrender implies weakness, a giving in that comes from a lack of resolve. This implication could not be further from the truth. Surrender is an action of incredible strength. One that takes much courage and a facing down of fears that otherwise go unchallenged. As a woman, I have spent much of my adult life learning about this strength firsthand. I have experienced a complete missing of the mark in this regard and the intervention of spirit at these junctures. While terrifying, this collision of fear and spirit can be spectacular in every sense of the word.

 

The feminine spirit personifies receiving and all of the nuances required to bend but not break. Women are expected from a very early age to be soft spoken and service orientated. As women age, the Divine spirit continues to burn and will do so until set free by choice or circumstance. For some women this fire is set free much earlier than others, but timing is of no real consequence. What does matter is that this feminine energy ultimately finds it way into the light and serves as a beacon for other women not quite ready to shine.

 

As one that has always relished the role of mother, I have towed this line with practiced accuracy. I am one that enjoys every aspect of nurturing another life. It feeds my maternal instinct. Conversely, I have a creative fire that burns hot beneath the surface. I abhor being told how to express this creativity, especially when outside influences unwittingly attempt to cool this heat. My journey with the written word began in elementary school, but it took four decades before I greeted my feminine spirit with love and published this blog. I had already raised my children, suffered a difficult relationship and lived the better part of a very raw and real life. Life had gotten in the way and my creative spirit had suffered until words set me free.

 

“Rage and bitterness do not foster femininity. They harden the heart and make the body sick.”

Marion Woodman

 

Unexpressed creative energy can manifest as rage, anger and depression. If I had never picked up a pen again, my life would certainly be a wandering from point to point with no compass, perennially lost with a heart sealed so tightly nothing could permeate. I have only grace to thank for my current situation. With copious amounts of grace, I have managed to find myself in a new space, feeling spirit in ways that amuse, mystify and make whole my entire being. I am so very thankful for this discovery.

 

“To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to the violence of our times.”

― Thomas Merton

 

By embracing this Divine feminine completely, I am now able to explore other areas of my life without fear of retribution or even failure. Do I wish to stay in my current profession? What qualities do I value in another? How do I envision my life moving forward? I can dream boldly without the voice of fear drowning out my thoughts. I give myself permission to fall short while learning to shine as brightly as possible. This evolution is all a part of the process of discovery. It requires the shedding of an uncomfortable skin layer upon layer until the very core of self is revealed. No more hiding, no more false representations, just me.

 

I am most in companion with my Divine feminine when I quiet the noise around me, becoming apart of the natural world once again. I purposefully let go, surrender to this change of pace without persecution. It is only in this quiet space that my creative energy begins to flow. It is in trying to attain this flow that I most often fall short. Surrender is just that, a letting go of the outcome. I must accept that I may have nothing of extrinsic value to say. It must be enough that I have put it down on paper thereby releasing it from the jagged corners of my soul. This writing in some ways is selfishly for me as I continue to allow grace to have its way with me, as it will. Only in this way can I find my way home.

 

Finding Strength in the Divine Feminine

Finding Strength in the Divine Feminine

Pat, Sheila

It has taken me nearly fifty years to come to a place of calm acceptance of myself.  I am a woman that wades in the deep. It is a gift that has been passed down, one woman to the next on my mother’s side of the family, a beautiful and soulful force and a powerful way to move in the world.  My sisters and I, my mother, my grandmother and even my daughter, no one has escaped the call of the spirit. This powerful force has at times been isolating and odd.  Imagine moving through your day feeling everything those around you are feeling, now imagine looking at another’s eyes and seeing their truth.  Uncomfortable at its worst, empowering at its best. I often hide this part of myself, putting up walls in order to navigate the world. No more. The time has come to be completely myself and claim what many other women have before me.

 

“A woman in harmony with her spirit

is like a river flowing.

She goes where she will without pretense

and arrives at her destination prepared to be herself,

and only herself.”

~Maya Angelou

 

In this family, the women have always walked the energetic perimeter of both worlds. I have slowly learned to embrace the Divine feminine that lives within and trust in the wisdom of this energy. It has not been easy.  I have been called, sensitive, naive and uninformed. I know I am none of these.  I am a beautiful, gentle and loving soul. So why has it taken so long to walk confidently, claiming my true self? I believe it is because my energetic qualities make many uncomfortable, especially those that know they are being “seen”.  I suspect it is akin to standing naked in front of someone for the first time, stripped of all the layers that we as fragile souls acquire. When being stripped bare and exposed all that is left is the true self.

 

And that is what the intuition is for; it is the direct messenger of the soul.”

~ Clarissa Pinkola Estés

 

Some days I try not to look too deeply, fixing my gaze downward when I simply do not have the energy to connect.  Other times, I have no control as if my intuition wants me to see someone for reasons unknown. If the other person feels this they often immediately look away, afraid to expose too much.  The whole interaction is awkward and at times painful. People go to great lengths to hide the things about themselves that they feel are less than enough.  It is as if they are constantly putting the best foot forward not realizing that it is the whole person, both dark and light, that together makes a beautiful and glorious person.

 

As I have matured, I have learned to find strength in my femininity, intuition and energy. I understand that some will come into my life only to feel overexposed and ultimately leave. A relationship with me is not for the faint of heart.  Those that I hold close in my life sense when I am at my energetic limit, quietly giving me space to calm the turbulent waters.  They also are recipients of the endless wells of empathy and compassion that I am capable of.  To be loved by a woman in my family is to feel love in the truest sense.  We love fiercely and deeply. Even if this ultimately means that I walk alone for extended periods of time, I am at peace with solitude. It is here that I find strength in the Divine feminine within me. I have come to embrace, trust and set it free out of the protective shell that I have sequestered it to for most of my life.

 

“She is so bright and glorious that you cannot look at her face or her garments for the splendor with which she shines. For she is terrible with the terror of the avenging lightning, and gentle with the goodness of the bright sun; and both her terror and her gentleness are incomprehensible to humans…. But she is with everyone and in everyone, and so beautiful is her secret that no person can know the sweetness with which she sustains people, and spares them in inscrutable mercy.”

Hildegard of Bingen

 

Conversely, I have also learned to be careful who is the recipient of my interest. I am a magnet for those that feel less than or are searching for a savior in some way. Over the years I have found that in many of these situations, the offender senses my gentle heart and seeks refuge in our relationship, hiding their darkness in broad daylight.  They may think me naive to this arrangement.  The problem is I do see them, even if I don’t say anything.  My empathy has gotten me into some bad spots in the past. I always hold out hope that another will find their way given support and loving kindness.  It has taken many years to understand that I can be empathetic from a distance and do not need to connect on a deeper level with every soul that requires help and guidance. It is not always my job.

 

“I stand in my own power now, the questions of permission that I used to choke on for my every meal now dead in a fallen heap, and when they tell me that I will fall, I nod. I will fall, I reply….”

Beth Morey

 

I write this for all the other women that have felt out of step, different and exposed. I understand what it means to walk this world seeing and feeling so many things that others simply do not.  I say to you, this is not a weakness, as some would like you to believe. This is a beautiful quality that cannot be stolen, borrowed, or bought.  It is inherent to who you are. Step confidently into your role; embrace that which is within you. Early cultures venerated this Divine feminine understanding the power of connection on this very deep level. It is only in this modern era that we have closed off and ignored the interconnectivity of everyone.  The powers at hand would like everyone to believe that we are separate and apart from one another, an untruth of the worst sort. For those of us that see beyond the externals, we know. We see that within every human is an energy that is emanating outward, a sharing of self on the most intimate of levels. What an amazing site to behold.