Self Portrait

It doesn’t interest me if there is one God or many gods.

I want to know if you belong or feel abandoned.

If you know despair or can see it in others.

I want to know if you are prepared to live in the world with its harsh need to change you. If you can look back with firm eyes saying this is where I stand.

 

I want to know if you know how to melt into that fierce heat of living falling toward the center of your longing.

I want to know if you are willing to live, day by day, with the consequence of love and the bitter unwanted passion of sure defeat.

I have been told, in that fierce embrace, even the gods speak of God.

-David Whyte

 

Self Portrait is a powerful poem touching on what it takes to really know another, soul to soul without the restriction of identity.  I have recently grown weary of the incessant need of our society to label all things in an effort to force stereotypical roles on one another. I suspect this comes from an aversion to the unknown and a fear of facing a blank sheet of paper. As spiritual beings we tend to shy away from the discomfort of undefined relationships  as they can be too transparent and revealing for our comfort. This does not leave much room for developing intimate relationships and even less room for escaping the labels placed upon us.

 

Interestingly,  I differ greatly in this way.  I freely choose to dive into the depths of the unknown without a glossary of definitions to support me in the venture.  I care very little about the labels others use to navigate the world, but what I do care about is who others are and how their souls speak to the world. You see, everyone is speaking even if we choose not to listen. They speak silently with both actions and convictions, putting all true intentions on full display. It takes just a bit of attention to view these flashes of self and even more attention to scratch the surface of knowing this other.

 

“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

St John of the Cross

         

It deeply saddens me when a false identity is worn in the hopes of fitting in. What if instead of trying so intently to hide the peculiarities that are beautiful within each of us, we let them shine and explored these differences with enthusiasm?  What if we stopped placing false expectations on others or encapsulating them into a peer group or ideology for our own benefit? What if we choose to simply love each other regardless of identity?

 

David Whyte states so beautifully “I want to know if you know how to melt into that fierce heat of living falling toward the center of your longing. I want to know if you are willing to live, day by day, with the consequence of love and the bitter unwanted passion of sure defeat.” Hearing this statement, It is clear that what I write about and who I strive to be is leading me towards a personal path of “falling toward the center of my longing”.  I wish to dive in, love openly, feel deeply and suffer defeat only to get up and try again over and over. I wish to continue to do this for as long as it takes to reach the gates of my true self. To throw open the doors and let my soul sing.

 

Living is only self-evident if we are free to express the parts of ourselves that do not fit into boxes with perfect corners and gentle edges.  Rather, living is a messy reality with irregular corners and rough edges. Living is feeling the fire of uncertainty and choosing to move forward even when getting burned. Living is looking beyond the landscape of definitions into uncharted territories, unafraid of what is unknown. Living is believing that today is just today and nothing beyond this moment is promised. Finally, living is moving about the world completely turned inside out, exposed and raw.  Rawness that leaves the bearer tender from the touch of deeply emotional interactions. Living is the only option for a soul that wishes to feel everything and learn as much as it can before leaving this place. Live without the pretense of others labels, do not take ownership of what is not meant for you. Live and feel alive.