Faithful Lover

The moon came to me last night

With a sweet question.

She said,

“The sun has been my faithful lover

For millions of years.

Whenever I offer my body to him

Brilliant light pours from his heart.

Thousands then notice my happiness

And delight in pointing

Toward my beauty.

Hafiz,

Is it true that our destiny

Is to turn into Light

Itself?”

And I replied,

Dear moon,

Now that your love is maturing,

We need to sit together

Close like this more often

So I might instruct you

How to become

Who you

Are!

Hafiz

 

 

I am a woman of the moon. I am a summer baby born in the sign of Cancer and a few days before the first man landed on the moon in 1969. So many of my life’s pivotal events have centered around the moon that I have begun to feel the connection is much more intentional than suspected. With the full moon occurring tonight, I cannot help but take notice of all the major life changes chasing me down.

 

To begin with, my daughter and her boyfriend have decided the timing is right to step into adult life fully and move out.  My daughter has lived with me for a few years and I can think of nothing but blessings for having had this opportunity.  I doubted we could tolerate living together at the onset given the great disparity in our personalities. I had visions of complete chaos in my home, loud music, loud voices, late night soirees and junk food everywhere. In actuality, I have had a front row seat to her growth.  It has been nothing less than an amazing evolution to observe.

 

In addition to my housing transition, I have been dating someone. He is a wonderful man that has shown me in the most authentic way what it means to truly love another. Being in this relationship has required that I move about in a much less guarded manner.  While this can be exhilarating, it is at the same time terrifying. Having closed my heart off for a number of years, I can happily say that I have embraced the fear and vulnerability by choosing to be present in this relationship each and every day. Relinquishing some of my hard fought independence has not been easy but absolutely necessary for my growth.  

 

My son is also experiencing transition. After graduating from college and breaking up with a long-term girlfriend, he was a bit lost. Unsure of his next step and alone for the first time, he took a year to explore. Watching a child struggle is never easy. I had to exercise all of my mothering skills by quietly supporting him without being obtrusive, always a delicate balance. Thankfully, he is nearing the light at the end of this tunnel. He is fully employed in a job that is a stepping-stone for his future career goals. He seems satisfied with his life trajectory after a period of disillusionment and I could not be more proud of him.

 

Bring your wings tonight

I want to fly with you

Through the galaxies and sparkling stars

Elena Notara

 

At the same time, I find myself quickly approaching the half century mark. My older sister will meet this milestone in September and I will do the same in two years leaving me perplexed as to how quickly my life has accelerated.  I choose to greet this milestone as a mid life opportunity rather than a crisis. What is it that I feel the most passionate about and how can I move toward that passion while still supporting myself in this fiscally motivated world?

 

Finally, I am also on the precipice of menopause and have the good fortune of experiencing all of the physical wonders that this life change can bring. A woman’s body is an amazing and I am in awe of how many changes we weather with gusto. I tire of the stigma that menopause is a sickness and an uncomfortable physical transformation. My body has carried me through many experiences; birthing my children, years of rigorous classical ballet training, pleasure, pain and now sickness.  I aspire to respect the current process and approach it with a divine wisdom that centuries of women have exhibited before me.

 

This is all a very long-winded way to say that I am feeling the intensity and pull of this full moon in specific relief. I feel it so deeply that at times it hurts. It is as if I am a butterfly at last being birthed from my cocoon. I feel all of the constrictions that have held me thus far and the freedom of the open sky beckoning. I have a deep desire to shed everything that is not authentic. This shedding leaves me feeling bare and unprotected from a barrage of elements.

 

Because of this uncomfortable vulnerability, I feel the constant duality of wanting to escape this transformation by hiding away until this energy passes while at the same time wanting to run directly into the eye of the storm. The night sky calls to me, mapping out my place in the greater universe. I belong out there, with the stars and the moon. I feel it deeply in my bones as if a homesickness. I know that all of these transitions, while unsettling, are my pathway to this flight. I look to the sky on this full moon for comfort and bathe in the light feeling at once as if I am home and all is well.