In the world it has certainly become a necessity to be tougher, stronger and slightly desensitized to the constant onslaught of troubling world events. This same toughness, while appearing to be an external strength, can be insidious and often leads to a numbness of awareness. How does one ever navigate a world that requires such a thick skin while still maintaining a gentle and loving spirit?

Gentleness is neither a display of copious sensitivity nor a personality quirk that needs to be corrected.  It is important to understand that being gentle does not in any way make one weak or less brave.  Holding a gentle heart when the world is pressuring one to do otherwise is actually a display of great strength of character. This unpopular response to external stimulus can be viewed as weird, uninformed or naive. Others may exhibit discomfort when being around a gentle heart by dropping belittling comments or demonstrating rude dissociation. This reaction should not be taken personally; it almost always comes from a place of fear.  Fear alone separates people. Fear of the unknown, fear of what is misunderstood and a fear of viewing the world apart from a peer group.

 

“In a gentle way you can shake the world.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

 

What then defines a gentle heart? My definition is softening in the face of harshness, choosing love when greeted with anger and activism in living by example. Embracing a gentleness of spirit and a connection to others can and should be a stabilizing force in a life. It is so very easy to go to a darker place.  When having a conversation with a peer who is speaking poorly of another or hearing about world events and feeling as if the end is near. Feeling tenderness for the other and even society as a whole is not easy when they both constantly disappoint. The world is a treacherous place at times and of late, is in a moment of instability that is troubling at best. Choosing tenderheartedness is a display of will and great strength requiring a recommitment sometimes moment to moment in choosing kindness over injustice and love over hate.

 

“You can’t substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship. Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness.”

Mitch Albom

 

This disciple is hard won.  I myself am a work in progress. It is only after many opportunities to make this choice that we finally begin to get it right….some of the time. I am in a constant state of replay as I navigate the world.  I replay all of the conversations I have had and review points when I have strayed from a gentle heart even if only in my head. This constant review acts as a mirror to my behavior and hopefully a pathway to better judgment. Others may not see these slight indiscretions as they are often an internal dialogue, but I know them well and hold some degree of disappointment in myself for having made them. Yes, I do try to be gentle with even myself, but that does not mean that I should avoid opportunities for growth simply because they make me uncomfortable, all the more reason to push forward.

 

Be gentle to all and stern with yourself.

Saint Teresa of Avila

 

As a woman I find this an even stronger calling and greater challenge in the workplace.  I am naturally a nurturing person and wish the best for everyone that I encounter in my day.  I like to make others feel welcomed and comfortable in my presence when at all possible.  This can be a direct contradiction to current business practice. Demonstrating stern leadership is viewed as strength whereas kindness and emotional connection is viewed as weakness. There does not appear to be a middle ground, it is an all or nothing proposition.  While difficult, it is necessary to disregard others stereotypical labels and find the place that suites your authentic self. Many times this means that I am going against the group view and find myself in familiar and lonely territory. It can be isolating to think differently from the tribe, but I have come to feel somewhat at ease with this discomfort. I am who I am and know in my heart that the way in which I navigate the world is my choice. If all I am guilty of is being gentle in the face of anger then so be it.