In all of the places that I have lived in my life, I have had the opportunity to meet many wonderful people. Some of these people are still in my life even if only vicariously via Facebook, but the good majority of them are not. I have a close network of confidants that consist primarily of family, my sister being my number one counselor. She alone knows everything that I have experienced in life and I rarely hide anything from her. While others have large networks of friends, I prefer to have a small group for telling troubles, celebrating joyful moments and discussing the meaning of this strange journey called life.

Everyone we meet in life is on a mission to teach us something new. Surprise!

    — Joan Chittister in Gospel Days

 

I often ponder why it is that I have had so many friendships that have left an indelible mark, yet I no longer communicate with.  Some have long since passed on to the next life, while others have moved away from old shared territory. Others have started their families and been swept up in the chaos while others have immersed themselves in careers, never looking back. That still leaves a handful of people that I have no good reason for not keeping in touch.

I have come to understand these relationships as momentary student/teacher relationships. I define these relationships as instances in which people enter my life during specific moments of need and then fade away. I cannot say who was the student or teacher in most cases.  Each of us viewed the relationship through our own lens and may have taken away different interpretations of the value. Consider the best friend that I had growing up in Minnesota.  Yes, we still keep up occasionally via Facebook, and I have meet with her just once in the 30 years since I moved from that state. Yet there is a self imposed distance between us. She was a very important part of my childhood and I spent many afternoons over at her house free from the loud chaos and irrational emotions of my home.  The funny thing is that she has often mentioned how important the conversations she had with my mother were to her! What?  I have not had more than a handful of conversations with my mom that felt like real emotional connection and I am almost fifty. Is it possible that she was in my life so that my family could be in hers when she needed it most? Difficult to say, but quite possible.

We are all medicine for one another. The Sauk say, “Teachers not only teach, they also learn.”

    — Evan T. Pritchard in No Word for Time

Shortly thereafter we moved to Florida and I continued to study dance at a well-known studio in the area. The secretary at the school had been there for decades and was a no nonsense type of women. She smoked a pack a day, swore and played poker. She was rail thin with salon styled hair and a don’t mess with me type of persona. As a student, I did not interact with her much, but as a young adult she became very important to me. After becoming pregnant and marrying the new Artistic Director of the school, I found myself working in the office with her quite often. My then husband became the owner of the business and the stakes could not have been higher.  I was just twenty with a young baby and a husband that was unpredictable in both our relationship and the business.  She took an interest in my well being, gave me some tough love and even needle pointed a wall hanging for my daughter.  We ate lunch everyday before I had to teach my afternoon ballet classes. We talked husbands; life and she shared some of her brusque manner when I needed it most. I was always a bit quiet, shy and afraid to offend. I think she saw that in me and recognized the trouble I would have in my relationship if I didn’t learn to speak up. In time, my husband wore out his welcome as he often would and we elected to move.  I never spoke with her again, but when I heard that she had died I cried as if I had lost a dear friend.

Every meeting in our lives happens for a higher purpose; every meeting is a chance for evolution. We should always ask ourselves how we can grow from our associations and friendships. This makes our connections and partnerships far more meaningful and empowering.

    — James Wanless in Little Stone

Once in North Carolina another friendship formed with a strong southern women whose family had lived in the south for generations. She had four children of her own, walked into the dance studio and promptly told me she should watch my daughter while I taught. Somehow I trusted her and my daughter soon became a frequent guest at her home. We eventually moved into a rental not more than a block from her family home, which quickly became an extension of our home. She was a tough talking, opinionated and gregarious women yet loving with her children and mine. She was there during the birth of my second child walking the hospital halls with me when my husband did not show up on time. Most importantly, she was witness to the beginning of the illicit relationship my husband had that would destroy my marriage.  I believe she was in my life and my daughters to share a piece of her toughness and integrity.  Her strength was intimidating yet contagious. She loved fiercely. My daughter most certainly has a bit of this in her personality even today and it has served her well.

Moving to Salt Lake City and into the most difficult period of my life, I found myself with a number of these “angels”. The culture of Utah was very different from my own, but the people had beautiful hearts and intention. Without going into all of the sordid details, I can say that the kindness of some outweighs the evil of others. Once again, in those difficult moments, I felt well protected by those that would only be echoes in my life in a few years. They watched over me, brought me food when I was to distraught to cook and volunteered to clean up my yard. They gave freely of themselves with nothing expected in return.

And finally my mother’s half sister. I do not know her intimtely beyond our online social media interactions, a few meetings and emails.  My mother was adopted and she had only connected with this part of her family recently. How she knew me so well I will never know.  When I was feeling my worse and in need of emotional and spiritual support, unbeknownst to me she sent a book that spoke to me so clearly it was if it had been written just for me. This book is still on my bookshelf and is one I reread at least once every year. For this reason she is an angel to me.

Why people come in and out of our lives may seem like a complete mystery and in many cases it is. Is it really chance or is there a grander plan in it all?  I for one believe that we are given many opportunities to learn a lesson, often well supported during the process. It is only in retrospect that we can see the connections in it all. We are never really alone even when it feels as if we are. You may call these relationships passing, but I see them as Divine. I think about these very special people and send them my love often.  As angels walking this earth, I am sure they can feel it.