“Deep listening is the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of another person. You can call it compassionate listening. You listen with only one purpose: to help him or her to empty his heart.” Thich Nhat Hanh

 

I have always been an observer of others.  Some see this as an introverted quality. I believe it shows a fascination with human nature.  The many different personalities in this world have intrigued me for as long as I can remember.   People are interesting and what a better way to study them than as a silent observer. Outside appearances may paint me as a classic wallflower. Quite the contrary, I have a constant stream of dialogue going on in my head and it can be colorful. Let others think what they will, my fascination with human nature continues.

Through the years of observation, I have noticed a common thread. As a naturally quiet person, others choose to “talk” to me quite often.  When I say “talk”, I do not mean a give and take conversation, but a listening session for airing frustrations and pondering life consequences.  I have a knack for listening without offering a constant stream of advice, and have found that most people are not looking for advice. They simply want to be heard.

This energy exchange has become somewhat of a challenge for me. During more emotionally charged days, I often come home exhausted just from listening all day to others problems. I am convinced that people are drawn to me in this way because of my energy, and sense that I can be a calm and reassuring figure for them. Some take advantage of this by dumping heavy emotions on me constantly, a classic yin-yang exchange. I take in their heavy energy and they leave energized by my lighter energy.  I am glad that I am able to act in this capacity for people when needed and understand that I received a gift of practiced patience from the interaction. Each time I flex these muscles, I get better at it. Showing patience when another is emotionally charged is one road on the path to greater empathy. It requires that I step out of myself and view the conversation from the others point of view. One can never have enough empathy and continuous work on this valuable life skill is time well spent.

As a child I felt everything and I mean everything. If someone was in pain I cried with them. If someone was sad, I felt terrible for them, and if someone was exuberant I felt their joy. This explains why my best friend was an introvert, like me.  She didn’t drain me the way others did. We enjoyed each other’s company and I always left feeling balanced.  Thankfully, my mom was keen on this and taught me from a young age to pray and seek divine guidance when overwhelmed. She didn’t use the word energy, but I knew what she meant.  She talked about a white light of protection and guardian angels, which provided great comfort for me.  I was a fearful child and even with all of these tools, I still felt drained and reflective most of the time.  To further protect myself, I built walls. From the outside this probably looked more like a stoic resolve. My face looked concentrated and firm when really I am just putting up my “shield” to protect my inner self. I have always been an emotional soul.  

Even with these shields up, people still stop by my office at work to “talk” quite often. Out of necessity, I have worked hard on learning ways to protect my energy and it has become a lifelong process to master. Protecting energy while deeply listening requires much attention and continues to act as a teacher through my life. I have implemented a few workplace tips that have helped me greatly and hope you will consider trying them as a part of your wellness routine.

• Moving everyday by going on a hike or to the gym each morning.  It clears my mind and my body. Stretching is vital for my MS but it also releases tension created by holding onto heavy energy. It feels great!

• Choose foods that nourish the cells rather than deplete them.  This generally is whole foods (one ingredient) and when possible organic

• Eating lunch outside if the weather permits.  I risk someone joining me, but if I bring a book I have less of a problem with this.

• Walking at lunch when the weather permits, putting in headphones and playing my favorite music. It is similar to a walking meditation.

• Envisioning a white light surrounding me when I feel attacked by heavy energy. Like a shield of light.

• Sending out light energy from my office in the hopes that it will help balance any negative thoughts coming my way.

• Upon returning home, washing my face, changing into loose clothing and drinking some tea to decompress. I do best when it is quiet during this time as a moment to let go of any energy I may have carried home with me.

• Taking an Epsom salt bath most nights with lavender oil. It releases my muscular tension and puts me in a state of deep relaxation.

• At least thirty minutes of reading or “down time” in my bedroom before trying to sleep.  It puts my body in shut down mode and helps me turn off my brain.  I often use this time to consciously let go of things that are lingering in my energy field. I absolutely cannot sleep if I am still mulling over what someone else has said to me during the day or reflecting on their emotions.

• Avoiding angry confrontation when at all possible. This is difficult in the workplace, so I cherish my home as my “safe” place. I do not approve of anger in any form in that space.

Finally, I no longer let people dump on me for long periods of time.  I have gotten much better at removing myself from these situations in a gentle way without being abrasive.

I encourage any other sensitive people to practice these things and identify any other solutions that work for you.  It is well worth the investment in your well-being and will allow for more full and rewarding interactions with others.