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Category: Musings of a Mystic

What Does It Mean to Love Another?

What Does It Mean to Love Another?

One Hundred Love Sonnets: XVII

I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,

or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:

I love you as one loves certain obscure things,

secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries

the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,

and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose

from the earth lives dimly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,

I love you directly without problems or pride:

I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,

except in this form in which I am not nor are you,

so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,

so close that your eyes close with my dreams.

Pablo Neruda

 

It was not until I had my first child, my daughter, that I felt true unconditional love.  I subscribed to the idea of this type of love, but sadly my marriage was not representative of this ideal and even lacking in any semblance of kindness at times. Seeing my daughter look at me as if my eyes held many secrets, I was overcome with a deep and lasting love for this new and beautiful soul. In that moment, I realized that I would do anything to make her life easier and would provide comfort to her in all instances.  This same glorious experience was repeated after giving birth to my son three years later. Unconditional love is truly a powerful thing.

 

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

-Rumi

 

These days, the word “love” is used very superfluously and one begins to wonder what it means to really love another.  Is it a emotion, an action, a tangible experience or is it a combination of all of the above? Pablo Neruda speaks to this in the first stanza of his poem One Hundred Love Sonnets: XVII. He writes, “I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:I love you as one loves certain obscure things,secretly, between the shadow and the soul.”  These words represent how I experience unconditional love. I look beyond the typical and find myself connecting with something much more muted. The beauty of a rose or the feeling of fire are not paramount in my appraisal.  Love to me is best described as being “between the shadow and the soul.” The space deep within that can speak to another only a spiritual level. Between darkness and light rests the true self devoid of the masks used to disguise traits that are deemed less than desirable. When “seen” these are the parts of another that drive true unconditional love.

 

It is in the “seeing” of the other that one can say, Yes, I see the dusty corners of your soul and I still choose to show up each and every day and love you. That to me is representative of a greater love than just the physical. Love overlooks the bumpy and difficult road another may choose to travel and offers compassion and empathy during the journey. All will not always be well, that much is guaranteed. With that in mind, love is only true if extended during the most difficult of times.

 

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.”

— William Shakespeare

 

Finally, the line, “I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,except in this form in which I am not nor are you”  is beautifully stated. Unconditional love is in its truest sense a lack of separation from the beloved. It is an unspoken truth that both are a part of the same cloth, in tune with one another no matter the circumstance. I know no other way to love, and my children are well aware of this.  It takes quite a bit of upheaval to force me to lose sight of this truth. We as spiritual beings are nothing without the connections that bind us. Choosing to love another is one of the most intimate and soulful ways to forge these connections. At the end of my days, I want to be able to say that I loved deeply no matter the cost. That will have been a life well lived.

 

Dancing with Demons and Self Doubt

Dancing with Demons and Self Doubt

Have you ever had that feeling of hesitation, when you question your entire thought process and wonder what the hell you are doing?  I have these moments quite frequently. I struggle with self-doubt and find it difficult to trust decisions in which my wellbeing is at stake, ironic given that I consider myself an expert at “reading” other people. This has not transferred in any real tangible way to myself and I often find myself in the most uncomfortable of situations over and over again.  As the old adage says, we often miss what is right under our nose.

 

“The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.”

― Bertrand Russell

 

This may be a side effect of being one that is a constant state of information retrieval and analysis. I tend to always see conflict as a fault of my own. I wonder how I could have not seen or understood what was unfolding, ignoring all of the warning signs. I also wonder why I could not ease the conflict in a peaceful way. It is tough trusting others, hence the reason why I have so few close and intimate relationships. I don’t want to hurt anyone by something I do or say, that would be incredibly painful for me. You guessed it; I am a people pleaser of the highest sort and try to minimize any potential pain I might cause another. I risk assess most things and quite frankly have to ward against my inner dialogue constantly telling me to play it safe.

 

“If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.”

― René Descartes

 

A healthy level of doubt is prudent when seeking truths and testing theories. In mysticism, questioning is an important part of the spiritual journey. The only truth being that the answer will always be found in the questions. The area in which doubt can become insidious is with self. Self-doubt can lead to a lack of confidence and a constant hesitation when making important decisions. How can one possibly risk assess an entire life? Mistakes will be made, people will get hurt and goals will not be met. It is the nature of living a full life.

 

In so far as my study of mysticism, I have found a healthy level of doubt to be useful.  It is very rare that I doubt the bigger unknowns of the universe; I have said before that I possess a comfort with sitting in this space of the unknown, not having to have all the answers.  When I do find something that makes me take pause, I spend a bit more time ruminating over it.  Introspection is one mechanism in which I visit doubt and come to some resolution within.  It is rarely an outward experience or one that I seek counsel for.  It is most often internal and very much my own exploration of information.

 

“Truly embracing the fragility and tensions of life…brings with it the possibility of true joy.”

― Peter Rollins

 

When experiencing any measure of doubt, try not to let that color your view of the outcome. Doubt is our internal checks and balance system and one that should not be ignored.  Doubt does not mean that you have ventured down the wrong path or chosen the wrong door. It simply means that you must create space to explore the reasons and fears behind your doubt.  This self-study may lead to some painful truths.  You may even discover that you alone have taken ownership of a number of fears and misgivings that have no merit in actuality. This realization is a lesson in of itself. Hear it, trust your intuition and keep moving. All will be known in due time and all will be as it should.

 

The Smiling Forehead and Inner Light

The Smiling Forehead and Inner Light

 

As I sat reading last night, I came across a phrase that jumped off the page as they sometimes do. It was in a book titled Thinking Like the Universe by Pir Vilayat Inayat Kahn and a reference to light and a Sufi smiling forehead that caught my attention. Light being the bridge between what is known and unknown and a smiling forehead being this same “light” emanating outward. A complete manifestation of  energy reflecting out into the world with a calm and loving aura. Glorious to envision and a rarity to see and experience.

 

Light has always been a close friend of mine.  When I close my eyes I often see flashes of light that appear like a laser light show behind my eyelids. As a young adult I practiced shielding myself with light when I was fearful and often sent light to others in need of support. I am also one that can slip in and out of that space between my inner light and the outer world with a certain level of ease.  This never requires meditation or a quieting of the mind and strangely I can create this shift at will. This movement between two energetic spaces has confused me in the past. With no reference to what was happening I felt odd and out of step, a very disorientating feeling.

 

“It is tragic how few people ever ‘possess their souls’ before they die… Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation…”

-Oscar Wilde

 

As I have become more familiar with this shift, I have come to enjoy the moments of solitude when I slip effortlessly into this realm that has the vibration of pure and unconditional love. After reading about the Sufi smiling forehead it became clear that my practice moving forward should include emanating this light and energy outward rather than containing it internally. This will certainly be difficult to master and I suspect representative of a lifetime of work in culmination. As an introspective and private person, I am aware that I may appear closed off to the outside world at times. This is a physical manifestation of deep thinking rather than aloofness. I often struggle with this dichotomy, the way I wish to project self out to the world and the way I actually do.  

 

“Below what we think we are, we are something else,

we are almost anything”.

D.H.Lawrence

 

One of my greatest wishes is to be an open and loving vessel to all that I encounter, requiring me to put down my protective walls and let my “smiling forehead” be seen. With people that I am completely comfortable with I am more willing to share this inner light without reservation. It is only in times of fear, confusion or anxiety that I hold my light close as a mother would a child. During moments when I interact and dance with this light, it is pure ecstasy. My external self becomes nonexistent and for just that moment I am free, weightless and shining brightly. The heat is warming but does not burn and the air is reminiscent of a deep and fulfilling sigh.

 

As I have journeyed down this path of mysticism, I find myself slipping into this space more often and not wanting to leave. Outside distractions are just that, distractions. I find the trivialities of life a nuisance and want nothing more than to find a way to allow myself to dance on the boundaries of these two spaces freely and without hesitation. For this reason it has become more important to find a way to share this experience with those around me rather than risk becoming too egocentric  or lost in the practice. I am hopeful that with practice, my “smiling forehead” will enter a room before me, filling the space with light and creating an environment of pure love and joyful acceptance.

 

Ignorant Before the Heavens of My Life

Ignorant Before the Heavens of My Life

 

Ignorant before the heavens of my life,

I stand and gaze in wonder. Oh the vastness

of the stars. Their rising and descent. How still.

As if I didn’t exist. Do I have any

share in this? Have I somehow dispensed with

their pure effect? Does my blood’s ebb and flow

change with their changes? Let me put aside

every desire, every relationship

except this one, so that my heart grows used to

its farthest spaces. Better that it live

fully aware, in the terror of its stars, than

as if protected, soothed by what is near.

by Rainer Maria Rilke

 

Have you ever missed a place so much that your heart aches? I have missed a place such as this my entire life. How is this possible?  I do not know. I wish I understood, but I don’t. I long for this place yet cannot even describe it, a different dimension filled with love and light. I have no idea what this other is, but I wish to be there. As Rilke writes, “Ignorant before the heavens of my life, I stand and gaze in wonder. Oh the vastness of the stars.” I see and feel this vastness everyday. It blinds me with its purity and beckons with unconditional love.

 

I am not well suited for this world; it feels foreign and heavy to me. The day-to-day grind of life along with meaningless small talk and the incessant desire for more. I cannot seem to prescribe to this paradigm, even though I have tried on numerous occasions. My love for my family sustains me, but does not quench a constant thirst for this other. It is a buzzing that never ceases. I can be in a room full of people and still feel alone. It could be that everyone feels this way to some degree and my ultra sensitivity amplifies it. I only know my experience and how it feels to walk in my shoes. Nothing more and nothing less.

 

This has nothing to do with psychology mumbo jumbo or my personality type. This is much greater than that. It is metaphysical, indefinable and boundless. It feels like the earth’s core; hot, full of energy and dangerously intense. I feel this intensity inside all the while projecting a calm and serene demeanor. It is an untruth, yet a protective one, allowing me to move through my day without becoming completely disillusioned. I am very much unseen but often end up spending most of my time “seeing” other people. The naked truth of this sight can be sobering. I have this other voice in my mind constantly taunting me, calling out to me when all I want to do is live my life. It teases me, telling me, “No, this is not you. This is not living.”

 

In moments such as these I read Rilke’s last line, “Better that it live fully aware, in the terror of its stars, than as if protected, soothed by what is near.” I am fully aware and live in a state of unrest knowing that this other is too vast and beautiful to comprehend. I have chosen to sit in this space rather than be soothed by what is near. Comfort will never be enough and I have learned to accept this even when it is lonely. I find solace in writing, people that understand the jagged pieces of my soul and the light. I feel it nearby at all times and for this I am grateful. In due time I will come home to this other and all will be right, but first I must live this life fully. I must learn the lessons meant for me and love as much as my tentative heart will allow. It is only in the living that I will be released back to where I am from…home.

 

Know Thyself

Know Thyself

 

Know Thy Self

A person who knows not

And knows not that they know not

Is foolish – disregard them

A person who knows not

And knows that they know not

Is simple – teach them

A person who knows not

And believes that they know

Is dangerous – avoid them

A person who knows

And knows not that they know

Is asleep – awaken them

A person who knows

And knows that they know

Is wise – follow them

All of these persons reside in you

Know Thy Self

And to Maat be true *A modern adaptation of an ancient proverb (From “Nile Valley Contributions To Civilization, Exploding The Myth, Vol. 1” by Anthony T. Browder, p. opposite Contents.)

 

The Greek phrase, “know thyself” or γνῶθι σεαυτόν rings true even after thousands of years. It is in the simplicity of the phrase that the beauty resides.  No need for verbose language to get this point across, the ancient Greeks may have been on to something. Just as we have the propensity to make things more complicated than they are, this phrase very quickly quiets the noise with the idea that the answers we seek are within. No vision quests, walkabouts or midlife crises will assist with this discovery.  A deep knowing is earned only by introspection and spiritual questioning which can be accomplished from any zip code, in any life situation and at any age.

 

Why then are so many failing to do the work required to know thyself?  As one that has a constant curiosity about others and the way in which they navigate the world, I find that many seem lost.  By this I mean they have not done the personal work of self examination. This apparent lack of interest in introspection finds many still searching outside of themselves for answers.  I have never professed to know much of anything, but what I do know is that I have no desire to walk the path with someone that is still looking externally for validation and comfort.

 

“He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.”

― Lao Tzu

 

It therefore becomes difficult to find a tribe, a soul mate or person at the same vibration as myself.  I have no interest in a parent child or student teacher relationship; I am looking for someone in the same place as myself, a partner that can travel the road beside me rather than before me or behind.  Granted I am an odd nut. I have been seeking answers to the deeper questions since elementary school.  Yes, I have lived a colorful life and in doing so have made many discoveries along the way, yet I have so much more room to grow. I have learned that a prerequisite to knowing self lies with the understanding that knowing is not knowing. In my view this is the first step in a long and thoughtful journey.  It takes a humble soul to stand before the world and recognize that everything is not as it seems. The world as we know it is just external circumstance for a larger lesson. The tools of the lesson vary from person to person, but I suspect we all follow a similar syllabus in the end.

 

“The one great art is that of making a complete human being of oneself.”

― G.I. Gurdjieff

 
How does one go about this work?  I believe the path varies, the key point being in the attempt.  We are all fallible and none of us are perfect.  The work is in the commitment to continually walk the spiritual path. This may look different for each person, but the end result should be the same. I would even argue that one must work on knowing self before giving themselves to another. It is a symbiotic relationship and when approached with some intention, a beautiful one.

If Only I Could Fly

If Only I Could Fly

I am a professional sky watcher. It is one of the few times I can be seen just standing still, looking up with a smile on my face. I am like a joyful child when I see a skyscape that is breathtaking and have been this way for as long as I can remember. I was definitely the child that would roll down the grassy hill and once at the bottom stare at the sky, completely enthralled with the beauty of it all. I was also known to lie in a field of dandelions making dandelion chains all the while watching the clouds dance and guessing the shapes as they passed by. As a child of the seventies this may sound familiar, possessing a bohemian sensibility retrospect of that generation. For me, this obsession has withstood the test of time only further cementing my passion for the sky.

 

Sky watching has an expansive feeling to it. When looking up, one gets a sense of the vastness of our world, this planet and the universe. Nothing puts things in perspective more quickly than a knowing of natural order.  We are everything, yet we are nothing. Our energy is a part of all that we see, the spirit is free, unrestricted and boundless. Yet this world, with its limitations, obligations and gravity weighs us done in many ways.

 

There is one spectacle grander than the sea, that is the sky; there is one spectacle grander than the sky, that is the interior of the soul.

~Victor Hugo

 

As a young girl, I used to dream about flying up to the top of a mountain just to be closer to the sky, the moon, the sun and the stars.  It was a feeling of utter weightlessness, a disconnection from the gravity of the ground. I would stretch and stand up on my toes reaching for the sky and in my dream could feel myself touching this other dimension. It was the most peaceful feeling I can recall. As silly as it may sound, I often think about what it would feel like to be a bird, to be able to fly in the wind, above the clouds. I envy that experience, but strangely enough I do not enjoy being in planes. That feels constricted to me.

 

The sky is the daily bread of the eyes.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Being up high also acts as a visual representation of a longer journey and a metaphor for overcoming difficulties along the way. Once at the top of a large hill and upon looking down, the sense of accomplishment is palpable.  The distance is so massive, so huge that it is difficult not to feel strong and capable given where the journey began below. Maybe this is why people take this to extremes by climbing large mountains. Thankfully, I have a knowing that I do not need to climb the tallest mountain in order to discover the greatest truth, it is with me all along.

 

I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes.

~e.e. cummings

 

From a spiritual perspective, nature has a way of revealing the interconnectivity of the spirit world to all else. Think Pocahontas and the “Colors of the Wind” song. It is tangible when energies connect. I have been known to cry when hiking and on the same token, laugh. My emotions brew right at the surface and react to my surroundings. Nature can be viewed as a pathway to experiential mysticism, and in my case I have found this to be true. Walking, watching the sky, listening to the waves hit the beach and feeling the breeze on my face are all ways in which I feel spirit. It is the most expansive and loving feeling while at the same time protective and embracing. I find it very difficult to find words that do this experience justice. Maybe that it the whole point. I have no need to put words to this feeling, it just is. Find your form of sky watching.  Call upon it when in need of peace, tranquility and most importantly when feeling a disconnect from spirit. Take some time to remember where you stand in relation to all else, it is really quite remarkable.  

Be Still

Be Still

 

At times I just want the noise to stop. I wish to spend a day lying in the grass, memorizing the sky into a night of brilliant stars. I wish to hear the silence of the earth breathing gently in my ear. I wish to dance with the wind carrying the whisper of secrets only silence can hear. I wish to hear the story of this place written with a distant pen only those knowing where to look can find. I wish all of these things and get frustrated with the distractions of daily life. I want nothing more than to spend some time just being.

 

Be still and recognize the earth is Divine. No country, town, building or room can hold something so vast and profound. Why do some think they can claim ownership over this other? There is nothing to be claimed, nothing to be had. It is in every breath, every kiss, every song and every thought. The Divine is everything; we are so small in comparison.

 

“A few minutes ago every tree was excited, bowing to the roaring storm,

waving, swirling, tossing their branches in glorious enthusiasm like

worship. But though to the outer ear these trees are now silent, their

songs never cease.

-John Muir

 

Be still, unmoving, yet uncontrolled. Rest in ease and relax the mind, allow the spirit to move in you and through you. This is the beauty of quiet. It is an opportunity to feel all that we miss in the cyclone of noise. Everything and everyone is vibrating around you. Listen and you will hear all of the ribbons of connection, creating an intricate web of universal energy. Nothing compares, no job, money, thing or otherwise.

 

Be still and know all is well. No matter what ails you, it too shall pass. Life is a balance of joy and sorrow, love and hate, friend and foe. A constant swing of a pendulum back and forth, back and forth. Embrace this rhythm, feel the easy pace of the repetition. Enjoy all of these moments as everything will begin anew as is the way.

 

“They both listened silently to the water, which to them was not just water, but the voice of life, the voice of Being, the voice of perpetual Becoming.”

― Hermann Hesse

 

Be still and know nothing is greater than loving and being loved. A sharing of souls, an exchange of energy that is as magical as the beginnings of this universe. Timeless and never bound, love is eternal. Rest in an open heart, with a knowing that to share your heart, no matter how vulnerable you feel, is living.

 

Be still and know at the end of this story, our story, all that matters is deep listening. Did we quiet the noise and silence the naysayers. Did we listen for the secrets on the morning breeze and embrace the silence of a dark night. Listen and know you are loved, we are loved. Listen and feel everything, do not be afraid. Close your eyes and feel the breathe of the earth and all that inhabit it, we are one. Never separate, but a beautiful tapestry of energy encompassing all that is and all that will be in boldness and beauty.

Be still and know.

Be Soft. Do Not Let The World Harden You

Be Soft. Do Not Let The World Harden You

Moving about this world with a gentle heart is being caught in a constant tornado of emotion. Feeling everything and everyone and unsure of what to do with this energy can leave one unsettled and anxious. It is a disequilibrium of the emotional sort, a momentary jolt of imbalance and unease. Many who experience this feeling chose to hide this part of themselves. While it surely feels safer to move about in a protective shell that repels unsolicited energy, this only lessens the rawness of living by dulling the senses and avoiding the collision of souls necessary for growth.

 

Being gentle by its very nature requires a softening in life, a loving and gentle approach to all situations no matter how difficult.  It is a state of feeling separate or apart but at the same time completely one with all else. It is in the seeing and feeling of others that we are able to use this softness by listening, loving and being with those that are in need. It is also in the seeing of the hardness of the world, that we may find our calling and passion.

 

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place”

Iain Thomas

 

As one who has lived this way for some time, I humbly offer this insight in the hopes that it will be of some comfort for others who may be struggling with finding their voice.

 

You will be called sensitive, weak and quiet a million times over all the while knowing that you are none of these things. You are in fact strong, smart and capable.  It is in your manner that others feel compelled to place false labels. They are labels that represent the others feelings of inadequacy, do not claim them. Do not take what is not yours, it never was.

 

Never mind what others are telling you and disregard the static, it is only noise. The world is in desperate need of more gentle hearted people. Whether it is at work, home or in a social circle, those that move softly even when challenged are needed more than ever. Do not let others tell you that in order to be heard you must be loud or assertive. This is an untruth and cruelty to your nature. Do not let this world make you hard and callous. Others will try, ignore them. They may be wounded, hurting and are deserving of love. Love them, even if they do not love themselves.

 

When you encounter difficulties and contradictions, do not try to break them, but bend them with gentleness and time.

Saint Francis de Sales

 

Let people in. Do not be afraid to love and share your heart with another. Allow the beloved to protect you, to embrace you and to “see” you. Yes, you are strong and will be fine on your own, but you can also grow tenfold when loving deeply. Expand your energy, let it live. No one can extinguish your flame without permission, do not give it.

 

Finally, accept what has been given to you without condition. You may not understand it now, but your gentle heart will uplift and heal many. Let it breathe, openly without judgement. Feel and be seen. At times it will hurt, be painful and heavy, but it will most often be joyous, beautiful and expansive. Live for those moments and let your heart lead in all matters. It is your guide, your true north. Trust that all will be well.

 

Humor and Humility..Laugh A Little

Humor and Humility..Laugh A Little

 

“These are the few ways we can practice humility:

To speak as little as possible of one’s self.

To mind one’s own business.

Not to want to manage other people’s affairs.

To avoid curiosity.

To accept contradictions and correction cheerfully.

To pass over the mistakes of others.

To accept insults and injuries.

To accept being slighted, forgotten and disliked.

To be kind and gentle even under provocation.

Never to stand on one’s dignity.

To choose always the hardest.”

― Mother Teresa

 

I love to laugh. Surprised? My writing tends to be very deep creating the erroneous impression that I sit at home, lost in my thoughts, hanging over the dark end of the abyss. This is not even close to the truth.  In my world, there is nothing that compares to a good long bellyache laugh that leaves me red in the cheeks and short of breath. It is absolutely wonderful and a free stress reliever to boot. Simply said, I enjoy anything funny and adore friends that have a knack for making me laugh.

 

One of my favorite actors when I was young was Carol Burnett being the self-deprecating humorist that she is and one that I can relate to in many ways. Somehow, I make a fool of myself at least once a day. At times my clumsiness is the culprit. My parents used to say it was a good thing I can dance because I most definitely can not walk. I have the recurring misfortune of tripping over my own feet, utterly embarrassing each time.  I also make hilarious mistakes with speech.  I have an eloquent running vocabulary in my mind that never seems to come out the way I envision. Just as I stumble over my feet, I stumble over my words at my own expense. Humor is an integral part of my life and in my case has been a facilitator for greater humility.

 

“It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

 

Humility on its own can be an over pious and forced act. It is such a serious and even heavy term that calls for as much attention as one can muster. What does it even mean to be humble?  I like Mother Teresa’s thoughts on this and can’t help but notice that I do not even come close to achieving a small measure of humility by her definition. I make a reasonable attempt to live my life with humility and make note each time I fall short. In order to continue to show up each day with a commitment to be humble, I have learned that I need a fair dose of humor. If I cannot laugh at my shortcomings than who can?  

 

In my case, the study of mysticism has also facilitated the unearthing of greater humility. By its very nature, mysticism is seeded in the belief that life is a mystery.  It is peering into the unknown and admitting that so much remains undefined.  I understand what I believe to be true at this juncture in my life, but am well aware that this may change given time and knowledge.  Humility is embracing the understanding that I may in fact be wrong. This is difficult for anyone to admit, not just in a spiritual sense.

 

Just as with my walking and speech foibles, we all stumble along in life trying our very best to be better, to grow. It is important to lean into this discomfort with a lens of gentle humor, not harsh sarcasm or judgment. Be gentle with yourself, laugh with others when they stumble, find the joy not only in the successes but also in the failures. In this way we learn to be more forgiving of ourselves and ultimately embrace humility more often with a chuckle and a grin.

 

May All Be Beautiful All Around Me

May All Be Beautiful All Around Me

Speak For Me

Watch over me.

Hold your hand before me in protection.

Stand guard for me, speak in defense of me.

As I speak for you, speak for me.

As you speak for me, so I will speak for you.

May all be beautiful before me.

May all be beautiful behind me.

May all be beautiful below me.

May all be beautiful above me.

May all be beautiful all around me.

I am restored in beauty.

Navajo Shootingway ceremony prayer (20th century), USA

 

I was having one of those days, you know the kind.  I woke up to an onslaught of texts from family, my gym friends were especially chatty, I dropped just about everything that I picked up, I ran into my pantry door bruising my head and my hair dryer sparked and shot electricity at me all before 8 am. This was on the heels of an earlier day filled with unusual workload and an evening filled with a multitude of texts and phone calls resulting in less sleep. Those who know me well are aware that if I answer a phone call, the caller must certainly hold a special place in my heart. I have been known to let my phone go to voicemail on more than one occasion. Sometimes, I just need the sound of silence and on this particular day was ready to throw in the towel, head for the hills and take a vow of silence by hiding from the world.

 

Thankfully with time and life experience,  I have finally begun to recognize the universal signal for “STOP”. In this instance I knew that I had been working too much, burning the candle at both ends and allowing my mind to run the show by analyzing everyone and everything. All of my stumbling and misfortune that morning was a sign telling me, “Lavinia, slow down and breathe.” When this happens I will often look up and say “Okay! I get the memo”, in a exclamation of resignation for what I already know to be true.

 

No one is meant to be over burdened with things to the point of collapse. Yes, work ethic is a good character trait as is the willingness to cope well with a certain degree of stress. But, busyness for busyness sake is not commendable and certainly does not denote enviable character in my book.  Excessive busyness is white noise that acts as a distraction from the things in life that are more deserving of our time, energy and talents.

 

In moments such as these, The Navajo prayer is one that I often read, relishing its peaceful energy and remembering what matters most in the grander scheme of things.  The idea that we are all protected by a Divine power, walking with us when our world feels as if it is imploding, is comforting. Everyone craves protection, security and the experience of being deeply loved. These are all universal desires. When circumstance makes a person feel less than safe or even unloved, this prayer gently reminds that we are all walking this journey with support. We are never alone.

 

I personally find peace in the second paragraph. Finding beauty in even the smallest of things can be difficult when experiencing a series of “unfortunate events” that leaves one feeling shaken. By stopping for a moment, breathing deeply and reminding myself of the beauty of this moment and this life, I can let go of the agitation and unrest of present circumstance with a knowing that everything is well, I am well.

 

Take a few moments, sit on the park bench, read a book in the grass, hug someone a little longer, smell the spring flowers, walk in the rain or sit quietly with another feeling their energy and loving spirit.  Do not consider this time wasted, it is nothing of the sort. Gently repeat, “May all be beautiful all around me. I am restored in beauty” and know that you are loved and life is beautiful, always.