She Let Go
She Let Go
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.
No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.
Ernest Holmes/Rev. Safire Rose
Trust is a funny thing. It can only be built over many years, trials and tribulations. Especially for someone like myself that does not trust anything or anyone easily. The thought of letting go and just moving can be terrifying for me. I have grown to understand that for me, fear is the best indicator of what I should be embracing and moving towards. To do this, I have to let go of expectations, perfectionism and self criticism by stepping into my fears. This blog has been one of the ways in which I have faced my fears head on, by publishing my most intimate thoughts. Even so, I certainly have other areas of my life that have not quite seen this commitment to fearless living realized. Everyone has some things that they hold close to their chest and I am no different in this way.
When I am not sure I have the courage to let go for myself, I think about my daughter and what I would like to leave as a legacy. I don’t want her to be afraid of the unknown, I want her to jump into life even with all of its uncertainty and self doubt, to live without hesitation and worry. As the poem reads above, I want her to “…let go of the fear…let go of the judgments….let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.” I wish all of this for her and more. She is already much more fearless than myself and I take pride in the fact that she can breathe so freely into her life with such joy and passion.
In my view, words are cheap and teaching by example is the only authentic way that I know how to parent. My hope is that even when I fall short, miss the mark and stumble, my daughter will see me getting back up and trying again and again. Recommitting to just letting go and living my life to its fullest potential. I hope she is witness to more moments in which I allow myself to move without hesitation and pronouncement. Times in which I stop the constant risk assessment and discover, “There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.”
It is in these instances, when fear is replaced with a light and effortless joy, that I have arrived where I was meant to be all along. I arrive with a smile on my face, the wind in my hair and the possibilities shining in front of me. Leaving doubt far behind, I just let go.