11/11

11/11

Art:Freydoon Rassouli

 

Today, I headed out on my usual Sunday morning hike with the smoke from the fires appearing over the mountain. Hopeful that I could be back home before the winds picked up, I decided to take the short path. The path rests against the river wash and brings me right back to natural where my mind is able to roam free from the tangle of city life.

 

This place has become my sanctuary after returning from two months on the road. The reentry into city living has been jarring at best and everything feels ill fitted and wrong as if I am wearing someone else’s clothes. As soon as my feet hit the dirt path, I immediately sense “me” once again. I would be lying if I didn’t say tears have been shed on this path as well as discoveries made. Today, I clearly heard the words “I am ready to receive” repeated over and over. A trail message from my guides, if I choose to listen.

 

In addition to this reentry, I have been consumed with compiling my poems for publishing. This whole experience has been revealing. Sharing deeply held thoughts and ideas makes one so uncomfortably vulnerable. I wonder if anyone will read my book. The worst of it is, I do not even like my writing at times. It represents so many scrambled emotions that require a certain head space to feel and explore. So many doubts.

 

After having traveled in the RV, it is clear that a cabin in the mountains is where I need to be for mind, body and spirit. As fate would have it, the city apartment we moved into is very small and far from ideal. Interestingly, the new apartment number is 111 and as soon as I walked in, I knew it was just where we both need to be right now. To make things even weirder, our parking spot is number 11 and the fire engine for this area is 111…. angels and spirit guides are with me, this I know. I just wish I understood the message.

 

Being 11/11 today, I happened to glance at my phone right at 11:11am and smiled knowing I am well protected as I have been my entire life. Beautiful things are on the horizon if only I am ready to receive. Today is a very forward thinking moment for me and for all of us. Yes, we all have wounds and deeply held fears and apprehensions. Now more than ever, we must set aside these fears by looking with an open mind and heart to the future, our destiny. There is no way to reach this destiny by looking back, the answers we seek are in front of us.

 

I am a writer.. Whether anyone reads my poems, stories or blog is not of importance. I am finally at peace with transposing my voice to paper. The very same voice that has been with me all along. The fire beneath layer after layer of expectations, good girl persona and societal roles. On this 11th day of the 11th month of 2018 (11), I am ready to receive all that is meant for me. I hope to understand what my guides are leading me toward and know the path will not be easy, great things never are. I see, feel and hear the change in the wind. It is a peaceful lullaby of angels that sweeps me up in loving arms and shows me the beauty in even the smallest of seeds. Today, this lullaby is calling all of us to receive, allow and bloom.

 

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